July 1st, 2020

The C-Note Show! transcript, July 1st, 2020.

Jeff 0:02

This meeting is always being recorded. It's 1984 and we are watching.We are watching.All right. Let's see.

Welcome to the C no show everyone brought to you by great men move mountains and great men move Today is Wednesday. It's 1102 here on July 1 July 1 2020. The world it's a different world. We were just talking to our great friend Patrick in New Zealand, and men all around the world. We've got Andy in Spain and our met gentlemen all around the United States, West Coast, East Coast, and a bunch of them have our cups. We purchased these cups from one of our regulars on here as well as company the C note show and our logo on here. Yeah, Randy's got the cup like bunch of guys on here and the coats is so fun and surreal to be able to send you know this love let's say this loving a cup all around the Brits The only meeting to fill up your cups. Yeah, so fun. Well gentlemen, you are here. So I gotta do my intro right? So guys, you are here because you're confused about relationship as a man you want to be a rock star in relationship in 2020 and modern relationship and you don't know what the hell's going on either. She's acting really strangely or it's up and down. Or she's really mad right now and you're worried about the D word coming out. Or she already has said things like I love you but I'm not in love with you. I want space I want separation. You know all the way up to like fuck you mode of I want nothing to do with you. You disgust me. We've got I've been I've been through all of that guys. And so we've got guys here and every one of those places or past that and if you want to learn well, how do I have an amazing relationship with the next woman in my life? Those are the things we teach her on the show. Do the three forms of confidence. There are morning kingly plan and through the tools that we show. I've got a brand new tool Today I'm gonna I'm gonna unveil. It has to deal with how much action should we take and how much emotional attachment? Should we have two different things in our life. That's from the book super coach by Michael Neal. I've got six clips, we've got Mark groves, I've got our funny clip this morning is from the movie Me, Myself and Irene, right? And oh my god, it's a good one, my content manager might have to cut this whole thing out. We'll see what happens guys. So you're here live because you want to see the mature rated version of this show? Because we just I got four notifications this morning that a video has been blocked, as my content manager is going through trying to put them on a YouTube so it's like, hey, guy, you guys get the fucking real and raw here every single morning. And the only woman allowed on this show is my partner in crime, my fiance and my co coach, professional coach with myself. Miss Cynthia Cruz. Hi, Cynthia.

Cynthia 2:54

Hey, good morning. Thank you for inviting me into this space and they You all who are here, Andy, Dave, Jason, Joseph Patrick, Randy Rubin. Rob, I know there will be more to come. And just please, I if you could hear anything this morning know what a difference you make and how and how much gratitude I am just to get to sit here and be with all of you. This is a very sacred tribe and space. And I don't take that for granted for one moment.

Jeff 3:33

I fully agree, Cynthia, I don't take that for granted either. My, my mentor reached out to me yesterday, and he said, you know, How's business? And I said, Well, my strategy of feeling love and intention and presence into every call into every show, into every client into every group that I run and seems to be going pretty well. So that's my strategy guys. We follow fun. We follow you know, the pain of where we are And now as men are where I was, and that's why we bring the show and we I follow my heart in this business. And so that's, that's my business plan. So let's get started today we're going to share something from the forum like we always do, we're going to bounce into some comedy, and then we're going to hit the shit. We're going to dive into vulnerability and bounce off the bottom of the pool kick up off the bottom of the pool with a perspective and a plan. And some more tools today, some kickoff stuff, you got a great show. So let's jump over into all I got to share my opening why anger is killing your sex life. That's our theme of this week why anger is killing your sex life. And you want to be a new man through your learnings of this show.

You are a man starting to rise in the world. So here we go. Here's some words from forum and this man says, I'm no scientist but get this. I'd heard it before but never read about it on a fourth grade science page blow this up a little bit. He says any form of energy can change this is from his fourth grader science books a science book or science page. Any form of energy can change into another into any other and one form may change into two or more different forms. Energy is always conserved when it changes forms. This means that no energy is lost. And he says that emotion is energy right energy in motion. That means that if I had the energy of heartbreak, sadness, depression, anger, I can take that energy and transform it into something more positive, more beneficial, rather than getting stuck in it. I call it transmutation or transformation from one form of energy to another. I read it also with sex taking sexual energy and channeling it into creative energy for other purposes. got an amazing response from Mr. Jason Bradbury. Jason is on our show today as well from the forum. Jason, I'm gonna go I'm gonna share a part of parts of this today. You know, if you want to talk with Jason about sexual energy and chakras, I'm going to go into that a little bit. And, yeah, so I won't share all of your posts. But definitely Jason's the man to talk to you about transforming sexual and other energies into sexual energy. And we talked about this on the show Cynthia forms of relationship, right. So Jason talks about from the man's perspective and something I love to talk about the third entity perspective. But before we do that I want to bounce in before we get to that, here we go is a clip from me, myself and Irene, and if you haven't seen this, so Jim Carrey is the super nice guy, right? He lets everybody walk on him. Basically, he's, I think he's a police officer in Canada, something like this, and he's a Mountie or something. And in this scene, he has he has a psychic break and his other personality of Hank comes out and has Hank is the bad boy. Right? Hank is the bad boy. So what you'll see here is, I think what all of us kind of it's one end of the spectrum one end of the pendulum to the other and all of us kind of fast have fantasies about. Well, what if we were just kind of a bad boy asshole? What would that look like in the world? We're gonna get that started with Jim Carrey, right now. Let me find it. Where'd it go? There it is. There we go. Right now. it a thumbs up thumbs up Cynthia please.

Video Clip 7:29


Excuse me, Charlie. Hey, you might if I get ahead of you. I'm gonna wicked rash then Okay.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Over here, now stay with me.

Jeff 8:34

What's the matter honey?

Video Clip 8:36

It looks to cheese on the taco.

Unknown Speaker 8:40

Excuse me?

Video Clip 8:41

No excuse me.

There's no take on this.

magically in Aisle five. I repeat.

Jeff 8:52

aisle five. That's veggie clean customer down here with a fallen fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's out

Video Clip 9:11

Some building High School Musical

like his he likes the car kept

Unknown Speaker 9:15


Jeff 9:22

Oh, can I find the most non politically correct thing?

Of All Time of all time? So Cynthia When's the last time you baked our bread?

Cynthia 9:34

Ah, I

can't even go there. I'm sorry. There's no funny quip

Jeff 9:44

that hey, that worked just fine. That worked.

Unknown Speaker 9:47

That worked just fine. And speaking of sourdough,

Unknown Speaker 9:52

I don't know I don't have anything after that. That was. That was awesome. Yeah, Ruben, I saw you raise your hand. We'll get to you after we got our opening of our show. I appreciate it, buddy. You want to share your sour sour sourdough bread? That's a whole other show man. Like we'll save that for another time. But I want to get into I want to get it to Jason Bradbury's response to our opening question today about this man wanting to transform energy into sexual energy. And I'm going to read just parts of this. Jason talks about focus on what you want the energy to become. And I'll come down here, Jason talks about chakras and a lot of phenomenal things that I've studied as well. We'll save that for another time Jason or you can reach out to Jason Bradbury, you know directly over over a messenger or you're here because you want to share chat with one another guys. That's one of the benefits of being here live in the show, is you can post in chat or you can privately chat each other awesome stuff. So Jason says another way I've put taught I've taught this is. Men set the intention for your energy and maintain the flame throughout conscious thoughts. The energy is hot when controlled, it has tremendous power. It is tremendously powerful. A woman, women are the water women, women's energy is water and always full of power in life. So Jason, I'd love for you to unmute yourself and share with us a bit of what You have taught about transmuting or transforming a man's energy into sexual energy. And you talk about, you know, a woman, stopping their energy and a man how he controls the flow of his energy. And the masculine and feminine is used to heal and grow sex can be used to heal and grow. I'd love for you to jump in and give. Give us a few words about this. Jason, please.

Jason Bradbury 11:34

Oh, boy. So when I've taught a lot of classes on like, slow sex, tantric sex. In our society, especially our Western society, we are so afraid of sexual energy. A lot of religious backgrounds, a lot of reasons for the add a lot of shame wrapped around sex, a lot of our first session sexual experiences in our culture are not pleasant. And, you know, for boys in particular, the idea is to get rid of that energy as fast as possible. You know, I mean, every guy in here can remember being 13 years old, and going into the bathroom hiding in the bathroom for you know, for five minutes and in all that, I have no

Jeff 12:22

idea what you're talking about. Jason, can you like describe it? No, no, don't describe that. No, no.

Jason Bradbury 12:27

You want the process?

Jeff 12:31

Go ahead, man. Go ahead.

Jason Bradbury 12:33

I also teach a class I teach teach guys how to fuck themselves. So you know, Oh, my goodness.

Jeff 12:39

Live now on this, you know, show how to fuck yourself. She's been. She's been telling us that all along, Jason.

Jason Bradbury 12:48

Some of the best advice she's ever given me. She just didn't know it.

Jeff 12:52

Next time you say thank you. Yes. I've been learning how to do that. Yes, yes. I named Jason. Oh,

Unknown Speaker 13:00

Oui oui oui oui

Jason Bradbury 13:01

When we get rid of that energy when we every time we build build up we have we build a such a tremendous sensitivity to it. So anytime we feel any sexual energy, we got to act on it right away. You know men's needs are immediate and urgent and all that. And we we expel it all the time. Either through either through sex or masturbation. But sometimes that energy comes out in the way we post on Facebook, or violence or all this we're constantly trying to get rid of that energy. And what I do with with with men in these classes is teach them to basically to move that energy around their body and use that energy for for basically a life force because that's what it is. It's life energy. You know, if you see If you see a gorgeous little (reference to a girl unknown word) in the shopping, shopping mall or grocery, you let that energy wash through you the gift of the feminine is amazing. Use it to energize yourself.

Jeff 14:13

Yeah, solet me jump in. That's that's one point that I wanted to make. And I'm glad you brought that up, that when we see a woman, even if it's our ex, or it's the woman who doesn't want anything to do with us right now, we can appreciate her femininity, we can allow her femininity to wash over us and fill us up without having to do something about it with action. Jason, right. So I want to go over to this other sentence that you said here. If we become disconnected in forms of sexual expression, like using masturbation, porn, materialism and non integrated chastity, right, then it can lead to disease. So talk with us for a moment about what you mean by disconnected forms of sexual expression.

Jason Bradbury 14:55

So sex is such an amazing gift. It is energizes, it heals. It nurtures not only our body but our souls and our spirit and our minds and everything. Disconnected is when you're not in that place of connection with another human being or even with yourself, again, back to a different subject maybe but when we are, when we are acting on our sexuality rather than expressing our sexuality. That's a catabolic activity. In other words, it's taking energy away, it's throwing energy away in an anabolic, anabolic state, which is sharing and giving. It grows on itself and so when a couple is together in a loving way, connect parts connected. The sum of the two is greater than then each of the parts.

Jeff 16:07

Yeah, absolutely. Let me press pause right there for say yes. And so we can definitely come back to this. So I'm gonna have Jason highlighted on different forms of our training. Right? So Jason's been a coach for years. He and I have known each other for five years. We met in Steve Horseman's local group here. So Jason, Jason, and I've had been on and off through the shit together. Jason's been through a lot of shit. If you guys don't know his story, connect with him one on one. He's got an amazing story. One thing, Jason, I don't think that I've had a chance because you've been working fucking 18 hours a day, the past few days. But Cynthia and I, and Andy knows this because he'd been on the show have launched a small group that we're going to put together and launch over the next three weeks, three or four weeks here. There's already three men and we want to have six to eight men in the group. So basically guys, the group is half full in less than 48 hours was 36 hours, and our small group of small group coaching for men was half full in 36 hours. All right. So that's one thing I wanted to let you know Jason and Andy and I want to bring Jason and Andy, as I've said, Guys are leaders in my community, their coaches, their moderators on the forum. And Cynthia and I, of course, are the head coaches. And these guys are kicking ass and helping me out because Mike, my client book is full right at the moment, right? And then if we're going on vacation next week, Cynthia so it's, it's gonna be insane. I'm working like, I have, like so many meetings a week after we come back. But that's a good problem to have. But anyway, yeah, Jason and Andy. Of course, the reason that Cynthia and I wanted to launch the small group is so we could help more men and also have it at a lower price point. And Jason, as far as sex goes, I'd love for you to come in and be, you know, a guest, and Andy as well, of course, within that group to highlight what your expertise is, what your expertise is in. Andy he's talked a lot about honesty, and addiction and drinking in the past and trust and Jason's talked a lot about sex and sexuality. And you know, all of us have specialties and all of us have different personalities. So I'm excited about that. Cynthia, I want you to think about, I'm going to bring up the sentence. Women, the energy is water and always full of power and life. Let the energy continuously flow from your womb and nurture your way of being. So when I first read that, I mean, I have let your energy flow from your womb. I'm like, Oh, you can't see that. Sorry. She's a finicky. She's a finicky one. How about now? Yes. So women let the energy the energy is water and always full of power in life. Let the energy continuously flow from your womb, and nurture your way of being. Jason has done different classes and learning than I have when I read them. Like that's how do I even consider that like, let let your energy flow and your energies always full of power in life? So after I show a clip, that deals exactly what Jason was just talking about, about what do we do as a man when we're feeling stuck or when feeling angry, or when we want to take that drink or when we want to eat the fucking fourth piece of piece of cheesecake today and stuff our face and we have addictions rising. We have anger rising. What is like the number one key almost a secret that we can do. JOHN weinland is going to share that with us right now. And Cynthia, when I come back from this I'd love for you to talk with us about sex and energy is water and always full of power in life. Okay, when I share this, if you give me a thumbs up that you can hear and see it, I'd appreciate it

Video Clip 19:26


Okay, okay, not enough sleep. Okay, so you're exhausted you get tired. Alright. So when you get tired

you start to think

non productive thoughts probably. Yeah, like most of us. Yeah. Okay.

Anytime you're collapsing the answer tends to be in my opinion, it's kind of a catch all. It's almost almost foolproof, not quite foolproof. It's it's almost the outside 90. But not you know, outside night is not foolproof either. But this is pretty close to that this will be the question. equivalent of your outside 90

Who do you who can you love?

Unknown Speaker 20:06

Who Can you

Video Clip 20:08

remember at the very beginning of the program I said said send 10 send 10 texts out to people telling them that you love them. That is my process for dealing with that moment. Right? love you. I love you, man. I love you, man. I love you. You fucking doing great. I love you. I love you. Right and and just me doing that takes five minutes. And it it's the antidote to that moment. Does that make sense?

Unknown Speaker 20:33

Yeah, I mean, part of what I'm hearing is, is having your masculine lead from a

Video Clip 20:37

place of attunement

as opposed to overriding. Perfect attunement. And then action, right. So freedom, so So yes, I'm collapsing. I can feel this is going to not end well for me because I'm tired. And I'm grumpy. Right. So who can I love? Who can I blast with love? Yeah, what's a loving act i can do who needs my love? Who needs my attention? Who needs right in that moment, mostly The time exhaustion is an excuse for closure. And the antidote to closure is always blasting out love in some form or fashion.

Now, how we do that are individual art?

How could you do that?

Jeff 21:18

So as the man as the masculine presence and yesterday we talked about being tethered to consciousness tethered to being aware of what your body's doing, right, you're aware of you're getting upset, you're aware if you're ready to stuff cheesecake or pumpkin pie, in my case, in your face, right, or cookies or whatever the fucks in the cupboard is going to jam your face or go grab another drink. Or if you're going to be a needy little boy and run to mommy for validation, right? When you feel that when you're tethered to that awareness, he says the catch all the nine times out of 10 what's going to help you is to send love to your family to your friends.

Right now in our instance, if the woman in your life is wanting space, then it's not appropriate to send her love or Center at text, right and so that's painful for us. That's painful. And I understand that. And that's the phase of relationship that we're in. If we're separated or if we're in space, we have to honor that space and be in control of ourselves as a man and send love to our, to our dog to our children, to our yard to our hobby, maybe have a woodworking hobby to our career, if that's what you're focused on to your family. Right? Or if you're in a spot with your wife where things are going, you know, you're not just like, up and down. Not sure you can blast her with love in three seconds by going over feeling her radiance and giving her a big smile, and having high regard in your mind. Okay, that counts. It doesn't have to be backflips. It doesn't have to be fireworks or somersaults or whip your cock out even though Jason recommends you whip your cockiness, joking, just joking. Just joking. But yeah, so I saw Andy raise his hand. I'd love for Jason to come in again. But I want to give Cynthia the chance to come in and talk with us about family. And then sexuality and the power of that, please, Cynthia, if you don't mute yourself, I'd appreciate it.

Cynthia 23:07

That's a huge, that's a huge question.

Jeff 23:11

I know it's,

thank you very much. I appreciate that.

Cynthia 23:17

I appreciate greatly Jason, what you shared about, you know, the watery nature of a woman's energy and sexuality and how you also spoke of, like, if you're talking about the chakra points on our body, how a woman's. The way she exudes love and like her most sensual sexual way is, you know, right at the seat of her beam, which is a little bit different than a man's and it's right in that in her abdomen and that womb space and not to get too late. oovy groovy on you guys. I absolutely and there's actually a woman in Colorado who is very well known and she does the art of feminine presence. Her name is Rachel Jayne groover. And she actually has women practice moving meditation where they're actually activating and moving that part of their body. Because we do get so still and stuck and clamped down. And when our energies up here in our head, it's really hard for us to be watery and open to you with the rest of our body. And so, her ability to touch into and feel and meditate with that part of her being and move with it is that water is that ocean and I want to tell you that Despite all the walls that you feel all the shut down all the you know, energy she can carry in her in her head and like leave me alone. You know a woman who's truly open in her femininity to you wants to wants to be many things with you in bed but she loves being the ocean beneath you for you to dive into her.

Jeff 25:27

Thank you, sir. Yeah, Jason, jump in. What are your thoughts in the moment, please?

I don't know if Jason's

Jason Bradbury 25:34

Oh, no, sorry. I was I was. I was responding to Cynthia's comment and power powerful, powerful feminine, right?

Cynthia 25:46

Yeah, yeah.

Jason Bradbury 25:51

What is so amazing about sex, especially with a feminine woman A woman open to her femininity is just how different she is.


when I hear Cynthia talk it's, it's, it's so incredible just the nature is just so different. And the washing the healing a woman can give a man it's like a weary soldier very you know, a coal miner coming to the rest and you feel at home when you're really truly making love. It's it's so much different than using her as a masturbation tool. The the healing presence is amazing. One thing I wanted to just just a highlight reason I raised my hand. Jeff was that energy can go to yourself as well and I, I, I talked a lot about, we are not our thoughts, we are not our everything. And I found that that with most men when they learn to heal themselves by giving themselves energy, change their thoughts. You know what it plays, it talks about giving love Out, out, out, well out is can be very, very close to yourself out from your presence out for your masculine center to your thoughts, to your your emotions, to who we can see ourselves as being. So, when we receive that energy from the feminine in the world, we can also heal ourselves with that. And I guess that may be a little woowoo with it, but it's a real thing that works. If so if somebody want to talk about it,

Jeff 27:57

yeah, let me ask you, Jason. So you were saying we We can heal out. But that can also focus on I grabbed the boardroom because when we heal out in different parts of our own self, it can be the different pieces of us. Our pieces are our pain, right? And then the last thing that you said is the feminine can heal us as well. So what do you mean by the feminine can heal us?

Jason Bradbury 28:20

Maybe, maybe, just maybe just examples. Nature is feminine is feminine.

Jeff 28:27


Jason Bradbury 28:28

You don't know how you how you feel when you're on a mountaintop. Right?When you see a beautiful woman,that washing of the feminine through us, helps us feel one with with things raises our energy helps us vibrate at the level of the world. Rather than where we're vibrating in with our own thoughts and our emotions and all that kind of stuff. So the feminine forces us to vibrate With it there's a reason there's a reason why we rise to the occasion in bed. The the feminine is vibrating at a higher frequency than we are. And we rise to meet it.

Jeff 29:16

Sure, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I'm gonna so let's press pause Jason for a moment. I love that so much. Yeah, the masculine is stillness right and so the as Cynthia was saying, the feminine is flow and for a woman to be in her feminine space, she needs to be in flow there so I'm gonna we're gonna dive into some shit. I'm gonna I'm gonna like go into some anger here. There's probably guys like, Holy fuck, I can't even touch my woman right now I have clients that would they're just trying to do a little bit of exercise of connection and she's saying like, Fuck you. You're disgusting or, Oh, you want to put your hand on my heart and do a heart handle heart exercise like a rolling her eyes like Oh God, I have to do this now. Or she's standing there like a statue when he hugs her. She just, you know, stands there like a statue. So I love absolutely this conversation. You're right. And so that's the model guys. Right? That's what we would love to have it. So we're going for a huge reason Cynthia is on the show, on top of her amazing professional feedback is to model what healthy feminine looks like. Right? Not the unicorn, not the like, she doesn't have bad days.

Yeah, right. Yeah,

you're welcome. And it just between us, man, you know, she has bad days. No, I'm just joking. She's a unicorn. She's perfect. I really don't believe that. She's perfect. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. How can you still know she has birthdays? Anyway, it's it's the model of what healthy feminine can be and Cynthia is here to help heal us guys from the fucking trauma. Sometimes it's the big t trauma of an explosion or an affair. And other times it's the small t trauma of devaluing us emasculating us on having mixed messages even though she's not trying to cause us to feel beat up. That's how we ended up feeling if we don't understand these skills, if we don't understand these mindsets, guys, okay, so I'm going to unveil this tool right now I just wrote this this morning. This is this is from this is based on Neil, Michael Neal's super coach book. And there's going to be a two by two writes a two by two matrix. So I always love those those guys. So here we're going to go so here we have action, how much action, behavioral action or mental mental thinking action should I be putting into something? Right, either low or high? And how much emotional attachment right? How much emotional attachment should I have? Should I have low emotional attachment or high emotional attachment? Okay, I'm gonna do this right now. So if I have low emotional attachment, and low amount of action, it's I don't give a fuck right? I don't give a fuck like I do nothing about it. apathy. I don't care, obviously, right? So if I have high emotional attachment but low action, this is like a sports fan that's watching from the stands that loses his shit when his sports team is not doing well. Or he tries to be an armchair quarterback right, where he really has actually no involvement. But he's so emotional, he can't do anything about it. But he has so much emotional involvement. Now think about this, think about if we have so much emotional attachment to what she does, and yet we actually cannot control what she does. We cannot put more action or control into her life. So think about how much that is pretty much disgusting to her as the little boy that's, you know, trying to control her or we're coming out and trying to control the situation. We really have no ability to control that. Right. So I think of the low action high attachments as like the sports team. The sports fan, right that kind of loses his shit if his sports teams not doing well. Okay. Then we have high emotional attachment and high amount of action. This is generally someone who, like is so involved in achieving in the world, right? So we're, we get really upset if we don't get the outcome that we want. So if I work 80 hours a week, and I'm trying to succeed in my career, I'm trying to get that promotion. And if I don't get it, I become like a raging asshole or i or i become like, I shut down and show myself off because I have so much emotional attachment. Right? The opposite from being detached from outcome. It's the attached from outcome. And I'm trying so hard to make this happen. Okay, then we can blow out of proportion, right? And what we want to have is a high amount of action in the world but but detached from outcome. That's what we want.

Video Clip 33:48


Jeff 33:50

So I'll put, I'll put a heart here of we want to have a high amount of movements in the world right where appropriate We want to have involvements amount of action, but we want to be detached from outcome. All right. So I want you to think about where and where in my life, or maybe this one is high emotional attachment. And I can't really control it. If a child of mine is going to a certain college and they have to move across the country. I have a man like that Whose child is going to be moving across the country this fall, and wife is flipping out because the daughter's moving across the country. Okay, she's losing her shit. She has high emotional attachment, but she's not able to do anything about it. It's not within her realm to do anything about it. And Michael Neal says, I've got it right here, his book super coach. He says the two best ways I know to lower your level of emotional attachment in an outcome are number one, get as clear as you can about what is in your control and what is not a number to really see that you'll be okay regard List of what happens and how things turn out that your ultimate happiness and well being aren't at stake.

So get clear about what you can control and realize you're going to be okay. No matter what. So Cynthia I want to bounce over to you. So if I'm a man that loves the relationship I have a vision for where we're going I'm taking action in the world. I'm connecting with you and my in the love languages that we've all learned the five love languages, I'm confident within myself, but I also understand that I need to be detached from outcome. Right that if I don't get what I want that I can't explode or collapse like a little boy, right? How does that feel as a woman when when her man has high action in the world, but he's detached from outcome like whatever happens he can handle? How does that feel in your bodyas a woman?

Cynthia 35:55

Take care, okay. huge relief.

You know Allison Armstrong will reference how much a woman kind of carries tension in her body she's just very aware of you know, when things are not going well when you're not thrilled with what she's doing and she of course then has different ways of responding to that tension. So when you just mentioned that like vision like adventure growth together and but there's like a an unattachment to that it one like makes my whole body relax and like Oh, thank god like, okay, and two I've experienced with you, Jeff that especially in places where I have felt pretty stuck when you kind of have forward momentum and boundary and vision and there's, there's an unattachment to it all of a sudden, and this kind of references what Jason said, like, your masculinity is very healing to me because I can take what was kind of watery and overwhelming and not with much form and go ahh! he re's like some form I can model after. And it makes me feel like I can move forward in the step I'm wanting to take. Because you're also modeling the steps you want to take.

Jeff 37:32

Thank you so much. And so I want to share I've got a quote from Jordan Peterson. I'm gonna share here in a second. Cynthia shared yesterday that such a driving force in our relationship is the vision that I laid out when we first got together. And the vision that I have from my own self as john Eldridge would say, the adventure and the battle like we talked about that on the show. And Jordan Peterson has a quote that I pulled that deals directly with this He says the ultimate value. Can you see this? Cynthia? Great. The ultimate value. You don't know exactly what it is okay if you're uncertain of exactly what your ultimate value in the world is, but you must have some idea. You must be at least on the path toward searching for ultimate value in your life and who you are as a man and what you stand for. determined that your life will be guided by unshakable commitment to the highest good. Okay, so Jordan Peterson is saying if your ultimate value is the highest good. It's no longer that your ego is in charge, it means that your conversations with people are no longer about convincing them that your viewpoint is right. It means that what your conversation and speech will be about are attempting to represent what you believe to be true in the most concise and clear possible manner, no matter what. And you do that by noticing very carefully And attending to what constitutes the truth. And then you let that take you wherever that will go. So for me, as I said at the start of the show, my business strategy is to feel love and intention into everything that I do. And I also want it to be hopefully enjoyable and valuable for the people that I'm trying to serve. So for the men that I'm trying to serve, or back in the school system, for the children and the teachers and the families that I'm trying to serve, right, does it serve them? And am I feeling love and intention into everything that I do? And hopefully I enjoy it. Okay. So that's the three pieces that I think about, right? And then in business, it's got to be in some capacity profitable because I can't pay my bills with love. I mean, that'd be great. I could go be a Buddhist monk, which I actually have taught English in Southeast Asia at a Buddhist monastery. I mean, I could go be a Buddhist monk, but I'd rather I'd rather live in the Western world and I don't think Cynthia wants to go sleep on a floor in a Buddhist monastery either. I think she

Cynthia 40:01

Yes, okay. Yeah, I

that wouldn't bug me as much as like your monkhood. That would be very sad.

Jeff 40:10

Huh? Yeah, the monkey would have to think about that one. And I'm thinking about that. Maybe I could focus on tantric sex and that could be my mission within my monkhood and Jason. Jason go teach me or Ruben in the Reuben in the chat, said, Cox slaps, I don't know if that means that you're gonna give Cox laughs ribbon or if you want someone else to get caught. I don't know what you're trying to say there, buddy. I might just leave it at that. Yeah, he's laughing out there. Nice. I think I might just not call on you to ask you to explain that one. But, yeah, let's learn so much. All right. So I want to share if you're in the place here, guys, well, I'm angry. Our theme of this week is Why kill why sex is or why anger is killing your sex life. And you want to have some advice specifically, of how to move through that. Right. The boardroom exercise is definitely one that we talked about here in To show, okay, and and if you are not curious if you're curious about what this is, if you don't know, reach out to me specifically reach out to Cynthia directly, and we can bring you up to speed on that. But I want to share something new a new perspective from john weinland. Here, he's got about a three minute clip on how to move through anger. And the man in the audience is saying he's been working on this and he's not sure how to move past it. Simply give me a thumbs up, I'd appreciate it.

Video Clip 41:27

You can hear my voice like we did some work yesterday, fully express what I felt was rage in regards to a relationship that I had recently, infidelity and just not congruent with action versus words kind of that story, you know, feminine nature. Yeah. Right. And I express the rage and have been you gave me some practices and one of the other guys on the Facebook group. It's not moving, though. So there, I don't know what that underlying emotion is. I feel grief and sadness, but I can't access it. You know? there's part of me that wants to cry and emote. Just unknown there. Yeah. So this practice it seems like I've when we talk about the physiological response, I feel the heat the fire, the rage, the anger, they're like trying to fucking, you know, kill you basically, but it's not moving it, you know?

Yeah. Well don't force it either. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like he the way to be with these things is to be with them. Kind of like a massage therapist kind of works and not consistently gently, sometimes a little, like cut, there's a like an edge. It's something like that. You know, you don't want to blow a hamstring. But but you don't want to back off either. You want to find that spot and hang out. anger at some point, at some point, maybe this weekend, maybe afterwards, who knows? Maybe in the next six months, this anger will turn to anguish

and I think Feel that I feel both sometimes. Yeah, it's like an oscillation you know, so I just feel going into this practice. The reason I wanted to bring it up is just because if I'm going to this place of rage over and over again because that's what's real for me at the moment and it's not really

yeah, like, right yeah so so when you do the shadow practice is that what you determined? Yeah, feel what's beneath that? Because what's beneath that is different. Right I when I first did when I first did this it was around a relationship Go figure. And the the rage was, you know, mistrust of the feminine like you're gonna fuck me. I even had a little shadow figure like a little character. There's like you're gonna find me. Right? And and it was true. That was part of what I felt but underneath that was was actually a different shadow and it was a needy little boy on his knees. hands reaching up. You know, like, Love

me. Love me. Love me. Right?

So sometimes anger is a gateway or a shield. I would because, you know, I think you're deep cat. So I think I'm going to challenge you to feel what's beneath that. Rather than just say I'm stuck on the anger. Yeah. And and if you can just get to what's beneath it even a little bit. that's a that's a win that's working the edge. You know what I mean?

Yeah, thank you.

Jeff 44:26

Yeah, working the edge of our anger, anger always cover something else. Right? And then there's a bottom drawer. So as Cynthia says, underneath, what's immediately underneath anger is going to be something like sadness or fear. Okay. And then what's underneath that what's really gone on and a lot of times, it's in our childhood that we've seen from our parents or from our father. Last night, I had my session with a gentleman out of Taiwan. And I asked him if so he he's acted like all the nice guy. I needed a little boy and then shamed and punished her if she didn't do exactly what he thought was supposed to happen in relationship, right? So, like my nice guy was just to kind of stuff, the shame stuff it and then become angry later on and almost explosive, right? Like well this law and then you didn't pluck shit like that or this gentleman the instead of stuffing it he would like shame her for not doing what he thought she should be doing as a mother and as a wife. So as these small t shaming, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, shaming, shaming, shaming over time, and he's coming back from that now. It's been six months he and I've been working together going on three months at this point. She's starting to open up she's starting to share with him but she's been so shut down by the shaming that as Cynthia would say she's built the masculine shield to be her own entity within the world, because she was her femininity. He was so beat up. And he's helping his own self integrate these, the shadow. And I asked him that he see this kind of thing, you know, was this father an angry guy? You said, No, he wasn't, he wasn't angry. In fact, they never fought in front of me. They never fought with each other. But what they did do is they were perfectionist with me. So if I, if I didn't succeed in school, or if I didn't succeed in sports, they would shame me. They would use these little shaming tactics and that he wasn't good enough and that he needed to achieve more. And then he's explaining exactly what he had been doing with his wife. Exactly what he had been doing with his wife. So simply, I'd love for you to talk about the bottom drawer. So we have presenting the presenting issue, the presenting symptom is anger underneath that is going to be something else guys, okay, it's sadness or fear. And then there's the bottom drawer of our experience. So Cynthia Share with us, generally. So what's the question I want to ask you here? So if I'm a man that's processing through these things, and I'm not perfect, and I have I sometimes throw it, you know, I kind of throw a tantrum sometimes, but I'm doing my work. And you're a woman who doesn't isn't aware of this kind of stuff, right? And you're, let's say, the average gentleman's wife and he's working through these things. And I feel if I'm that, man, I feel like I almost want to overly apologize. Or I almost want to like overly explain. Oh, well, I learned in this men's group, great men movement, you know that there's a bottom drawer and blah, blah, blah, fucking blah. How should this man who does has great days and then has sometimes really bad days and falls off the wagon? How can he move into relationship with her? How can he help for her to show up in relationship? Right? This is maybe a complicated question, but I think you see where I'm going here. So the man has good days and bad days and he wants to still connect with his woman. But he doesn't want to overly apologize and doesn't want to overly explain. Can you talk with us about that and relationship bottom drawer emotions, please?

Cynthia 48:10

Sure. Well, thank you. I will, I'll talk about that. He doesn't want to overly apologize or overly explain. And I think that's a really powerful place to come from. The I have actually experienced being in a relationship with a gentleman who he had just discovered men's work and was starting a group. And there was a lot of trying to over explain, and it was a really interesting experience for me because I wanted to be in a partnership where there was a man doing his work and value that so much and really in respect Did that and but at the same time it felt still a little bit like that little boy energy like you know tell me I'm doing a good job tell me this is okay tell me and and I saw that and understood that it just wasn't I just kept doing my own thing like right like my own kind of masculine world I created because there was like my purpose and my vision and I didn't I didn't want to jump into his his world because it felt kind of shaky and uncertain. Then the other energy is you know, we are all wonderfully imperfect. have our like, powerful empowered visioned envision days and then the days when it's like man, like the amount of mud on my face right now is pretty pretty thick but the the energy that you as a man when you are able to every day tap into like that What is my bottom drawer and for women I call it like their deepest desire What is it I'm really truly wanting here like, oh I you know I want affection. Okay, well what's beneath that I want to be connected Okay, what's beneath that? Oh, I really want to serve this person in my life okay what's beneath that I want to be a powerful and impactful person in the world in general is that deep enough or is there something deeper and I can guarantee when you are in that bottom drawer rock solid place? this other stuff doesn't matter as much because to anyone else because you're are a solid presence of knowing and understanding yourself. And that's okay that water and fire burn across that rock because that rock is something that I want to be a part of in all parts of my being in relationship.

Jeff 51:16

So phenomenal. Cynthia, I'd love to open up gentlemen, if you if you want a chance to raise your hand or to post a question in chat, please do that. Now. I'm going to share a quote from ROM das here. And then I've got a couple of minutes from Mark Manson. So please, guys, if you're here always feel like you can raise your hand and jump in. We had a couple guys raise their hand earlier. And I saw Andy and Ruben put their hands down. So I want to honor you. But no, you can always raise your hand and keep your hand up if you like. So here's a quote that relates to what Cynthia was saying. And we've been talking about throughout the whole show here, which is often if we're unaware of these things, and we're unconscious, about our own identity or about what we want Rhonda says. In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another, that our costumes of identity are on straight. We spend so much time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight. Right? Yeah, Reuben, please. Come on, jump in. Appreciate it.

Can you unmute yourself? I can hear you.

Video Clip 52:24

There we go. Yeah, go for it.

Reuben 52:27

So I just want to say thatit helps you get to this.Just every day I sit there and I'm like, What am I gonna write today? And then 510 minutes later? And I'm like, Oh, I know. Exactly. And it just, yeah, just a few days agocan show it to you more inspiring.Exciting point. I'llmove forward and more I canthen I can see that I can see the attraction might not be overwhelming. But I can see that.Like the other day when I mentionedbefore, whenever she goes out somewhere now she's telling me I just made one comment and there's many different things are happening by another small. But Sure, yes, I'm understanding more of the feminine and, you know, dealing with it and seeing me and not getting all, you know, asking questions and understanding and then questions about myself where I want to be what I want to do. That's helping me just Kind of rolling off.

Jeff 54:11

Yeah, awesome. Remember press pause for a second. Good. So let me recap I could you were soft, but I could hear you. So you first started to say that you're almost like excavating your own feelings and excavating yourself through the morning kingly plan, which is phenomenal. I share that right now we have this free in our forum where you can take a screenshot of this right now. So you talk about, you're talking about what do I know to be true Rubin right. And your brain in the morning is not moving very well. But then you said five or 10 minutes later, all of a sudden, wow, okay, I'm really starting to understand what I'm wanting through this consistent routine process in the morning. Something I were talking prepping for the show today about how important it is. and Cynthia highlighted this how important it is to have a routine that you do for three minutes a day or five minutes a day in the morning. The first day, it's not going to feel Like much is happening, okay? But the 15th day, the 100th day that you do this, the flow is going to be there, the flow is just going to like it grows over over the days it grows more and more and more over the days, just like Ruben said, Now, Ruben, you also talked about, you're seeing attraction within her or you're seeing that there's a change within her, which is phenomenal, but mostly it's for yourself, you know, 99% 100% this is for yourself. And I want to reiterate one thing for you, bud, which I know you even commented about how awesome this was yesterday and in Steve's book straight talk tools. About you cannot be this is when a man fails is if he's impatient or overly invested in outcomes. If you're overly invested in outcomes, that's when this fails. And that's one reason I wanted to make this tool today about how much emotional attachment Okay, we want to have low emotional attachment to the outcome. And we want to take high amounts of action for ourselves, for ourselves of our grounding in the World. Jordan Peterson to find your ultimate truth. Rom das like, let's spend less time fucking fixing our costume of our identity. And let's actually figure out who we are. As Cynthia says, let's find out what our bottom drawer emotions are. So I've got a couple of minutes left. Thank you, but I appreciate it. I want to share two minutes from Mark Manson's new video that was released I think three days ago. And he talks it's, you know, Mark Manson's lesson you could call it pragmatic you could call them a little bit not negative necessarily, but you know, sometimes cynical a little bit of his writing is on the edge of cynical and this one is titled The may find the hero fast. This one's titled is happiness a choice?

I'll share his title screen here.

is happiness a choice? Why you will never be completely happy. Oh, thank you Mark Manson. Why you will never be completely happy. So let me share two minutes from Mark Manson. Somewhat cynical video, here we go. No, it's something about me going from like that screen to that. Okay, let's okay baby. Yes. All right. Yes. Okay, I'm going to share Mark Manson now. All right, here we go. She's like, no. Okay. Let's try. How do I move over here? But if I move over here, let me give you some load on first time a week. How about right now?

Video Clip 57:38

We're evolved to be slightly dissatisfied all the time, no matter what. And that's because it's a slightly dissatisfied creature that is constantly striving, improving, growing and doing and, you know, there's no getting off the treadmill, so to speak. what's ironic, though, is We need that dissatisfaction because it's it's pushing through the dissatisfaction. That gives us a sense of meaning and a sense of happiness with ourselves. Like, it's, if I didn't have some sort of adversity to push through, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have any reason to feel proud of myself or to feel satisfied with myself. You know, it would just be like, another thing to experience. Psychologists call this the hedonic treadmill years ago, they ran studies where they would basically text people randomly throughout their day. And they and they would tell these people like write down on a scale from one to 10. How happy are you in this moment? And what are you doing right now. And the idea originally was like, you know, if we can get hundreds of people to write down how happy they are throughout their days, and then you combine all this data, you can start to get a real sense of like, what makes people happy, what makes people satisfied. And what happened was actually like, very introduced was way more interesting than that. It turned out That's pretty much everybody is always at a seven. And good things would happen and they'd go up to a nine, maybe a 10. And then the next day they fall back to a seven, or a bad thing would happen. And they dropped to like a four or five and then a few hours later, they'd be back at a seven. And this like constant seven, this was like a very persistent, resilient thing in people's minds. And psychologists found it found very, very few things bump us out of that seven for an extended period of time. And, and so if you think about what it's seven, you know, it's it's a mild dissatisfaction, it's things are good, but they could always be better. And I feel like that, you know, we all just instinctively relate to that, like we're all in that place almost all the time.

Jeff 59:58

So I agree with Mark in that we have a thermostat set through our routines of how back to happy or contented or normal that we become. Now I fully 100% believe and personally have experienced, that thermostat can be lower. When I'm in like a shitty cubicle job that's not fulfilling and I've just chased money and I'm not fulfilled and I don't have a spiritual grounding. Like, that was me back in my 20s when I chased money, okay, my thermostat was like a five. Right? My thermostat now is like, let's say 8.5 or a nine. I'm pretty much a nine like every day because of my routines because of the things that we teach on the show. Like we're fucking bringing it to your real here. Was I in a one or two in 2015? absofuckinglutely, right. Do I have bad days? Yes. Do I have fears? Yes. And through the morning routines that kingly plan watching this show reaching out to other men chatting in private chat posting on the forum, right, bringing it to the men utilizing these tools, reading that next kick ass book or that motivation, fucking brings your thermostat higher and higher and higher. So that's what I would argue with Mark Manson. He's talking about the bell curve of everybody. Okay, the concept is that we have this kind of happiness thermostat, and we're all mildly discontented a lot of the time because we want to achieve in the world. I completely agree with that. I think it's part of our evolutionary biology to have that want for something more. Right. I agree with that completely. But through this work, guys, we're bringing you how to raise your thermostat higher.

such cool stuff. So Cynthia, let's wrap up our show today. Let's honor our men. Please, if you'd help me do that, I appreciate it. And then after our credits, I've got two minutes from Wayne Dyer today. Motivation from Wayne Dyer after our credits, simply help me close out the show, please.

Cynthia 1:01:49

Thank you so much. Thank you for Jason for sharing what you did. I always appreciate your wisdom and your study and your depth and your awareness. And it was so fun to see like, see no bugs arriving. And I am just you talk about raising the thermostat, this being around you, gentlemen, in the work that you're doing it guides and leads the thermostat being turned up and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that an honor that and I'm just so excited for how the world gets to shift and change because you are doing this work. So thank you so much.

Jeff 1:02:36

I agree. Cynthia, thank you so much. Yes, gentlemen, you are doing this work. We're here every day to do our daily work. This has been the C note show brought to you by great men move mountains and great men move mountains calm. We've got free stuff on our website, check out our free content tab. And if you'd like like to find out about our small group coaching program that we launched, literally two days ago, it's already half full. Okay. Check out how we're gonna kick ass for six months together in a small group. It's economical. It's powerful. It's all the tools that Cynthia and I teach with one on one coaching, specifically engineered for that small group of men to kick ass in the world. Go to great men move slash relaunch. So after our credits here, I'm going to share three minutes, two and a half minutes from Wayne Dyer motivation. And we'll see you guys tomorrow at 11am Mountain, just like every Monday through Friday,

and I'm gonna love you guys so much.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:33

Conflict makes no difference.

Unknown Speaker 1:03:38

You gotta be you gotta be

Unknown Speaker 1:03:41

fine either

Unknown Speaker 1:03:42

way. comfort to you.

Video Clip 1:03:48

Fantastic. Here we go. Wayne Dyer. Now, when you change

Unknown Speaker 1:03:55

the way you look at things,

Unknown Speaker 1:03:58

the things you look at change

Video Clip 1:04:01

Albert Einstein once observed that the most fundamental and major decision that you have to make in your life is this. Do I live in a friendly? Or a hostile universe? Which is, is it a universe that is filled with hostility and anger and people wanting to hate each other and people wanting to kill each other? Is that what you see? Because when you see the world that way, that's exactly what you will create for yourself in your life. This is from great scientific mind. And the interesting thing is that this is not just a clever play on words that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I'd like you to imagine the following scene.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:46

You're in your house. You got your car keys in your hand, the lights go out, power failure.

Unknown Speaker 1:04:54

You can't see a thing. you stumble around in your living room and you drive your keys and you look around for a moment and you realize that you're never going to find them in the dark. But you look outside and you notice that the street lights are on. So in your mind, a light bulb goes off. I'm not gonna sit around here in the dark and grope around looking for my keys. When there's a light on outside. I'm gonna go out here under the streetlight, I'm gonna look for my keys. Why are you laughing? This is this makes a lot of sense. So you're out here and you're groping around and you're looking for your keys and you're looking and looking and your neighbor comes along and says, what happened? Wait, well, I dropped my keys. Oh, if you look for the two of us are now down here. Looking for our keys and looking finally he says to me, excuse me, but where did you drop your keys? Well, I dropped them in the house. He said You mean to tell me that you dropped your keys. In the house, and you're looking for them out here in the street light doesn't make any sense. And I said, Well, it doesn't make any sense to grope around in the dark when there's light out here. Now you laugh and you think how silly that is. But isn't that exactly what we do? When we have a problem, a difficulty of struggle that is located inside. And we're looking for the solution. Outside someplace outside of ourselves, it would be like going to the doctor and telling him all of your symptoms. And the doctor says, oh, boy, you've got a lot of symptoms. And he starts writing out prescriptions. You need a prescription for this symptom, you need a prescription for that symptom. And finally, he gets this four or five. So then you go to walk out, and you say, Well, I'd like my prescription. She said, No, no, no, I'll give this one to your mother in law. Then I'll give this one to your neighbor, and I'll give this one to your daughter and I'll give this one to your father. I mean, you're the one with the stalls and with the difficulties expecting somebody else to change or something outside of you to get better in order for you To make your life work is something you have to really take a hard look at. It's in here.

Jeff 1:07:08

And this is a very difficult.

Yeah, you are here because you can control this. You have responsibility. That's why you're here in the show to do this work every day. This is where we do our daily work. Love you guys. Have a great rest of your Wednesday and Thursday for you Patrick.

Video Clip 1:07:23

Bye, guys.

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