Make it easy for her to feel attraction.

Updated: Aug 3

The C-Note Show! July 20th, 2020 transcript - enjoy!

Jeff 0:00

We've already got we're slinging insults from New Zealand and so apparently Roger actually lives out in the world. He doesn't just live in his basement. That was a shock to me. So he gave me the bird and not the friendly kind of birth and not friendly.

Roger Gravlin 0:20

Actually a bot.

Jeff 0:21

Yeah, that's what I thought, you know, your your personalities easily programmed. Roger. Very much. So yes.

Patrick 0:31

China has done a good job, Raj.

Roger Gravlin 0:34

Thank you. Thank you. Yes.

Jeff 0:36

Yeah, exactly. trawling is infiltrated jif. Yes, yeah, I kicked my coverage from China apparently. Now let's get let's get started. Gentlemen. there's a there's a button here that says mute all Oh, look at that. What do you know the power?

Roger Gravlin 0:52

I just unmuted myself.

Jeff 0:56

Don't make me I can arrange there's a box that says allow participants to unmute themselves. Don't make me do it. Don't make me on check. tick the box. No, I'm just gonna flash

Roger Gravlin 1:05

my nipples at some random point during this. Ah yes,

Jeff 1:08

we're gonna give my content manager run for her money like, somewhere in the next hour there's a flash of nipples. You'll have to edit those out. Roger. It's like Fight Club. Where does the few seat Yeah, see if he Roger knows we'll splice in Rogers nipples instead of a cock it's Rogers nipples. Gather going alright. Welcome to the female show. Gentlemen brought to you by great men move mountains. It's 11th all floor here Monday morning July 20 2020. And if you guys aren't here for the preliminary antics you're missing out that's what that's one of the benefits of being here live on the show. Gentlemen from all over the world all over the world. Love you guys so much. I Mr. Jeff Allen, this is Miss Cynthia Cruz are both professional coaches. They've been in private practice for years at this point. Work with hundreds of men. Hundreds of guys on our private Facebook forum as well. And we're so elated to be here because like me, you want to know how to have more belief in your day you want to start off on the right foot, or maybe it's in the afternoon or the evening. Now, depending on where you are in the world, you want to grow your belief in your own self. And you want to understand some philosophy of how to move through this time in your life. And maybe your relationship is in shambles. Or you're trying to reconcile, or you hope you don't get divorced, or you're afraid of divorce. Or maybe you're past that and you want to learn how to be an amazing man in the world. And that's why you're here to learn the tools and the strategies, the three forms of confidence and utilizing things like our morning kingly plan every single day. And Miss Cynthia is the only woman allowed on this show for her professional, feminine perspective and feedback from a woman about relationship welcome.

Cynthia 2:51

Thank you for for having me. It is I it is such a gift to be here every day and in previous His shows when I was not sitting here with you on the couch, I kind of would log in just about before about the start and to get to be part of the laughter before the show and just appreciate all of your energy and your jokes, it. It just lifts me up and puts me in a really playful energy. And I think that's, I know that that's a huge gift of masculine presence. So thanks. Thank you just for letting me be a part of that.

Jeff 3:31

Love you being in your playful energy as well. That's a good place for women to be that's a guess. Oh my gosh. So our theme of this week is we want to talk about daily renewal of thoughts. Let me share the screen right here. There we go. The see notes show we do our daily work here guys. And this is about daily renewal of belief and thought as a matter of where do we go to get modern strategies with ancient stoic philosophy. I've been reading a lot of stoic philosophy Recently, I got Ryan holidays book the daily stoic that shows a paragraph from Marcus Aurelius or Epictetus or Seneca or other Stoic philosophers and that's been phenomenal for me to use with our morning kingly plan. So I'm going to share some more of that today. And I have of course, we're gonna start us off with some comedy. It's a spoof on Star Star Wars almost at Star Trek that would be a shame Star Wars spoof on Star Wars. I've got an awesome video from a channel I don't know if you guys have seen this. The channel name is better ideas, and he looks like he's amazing with cinematography and I love his channel so I'm going to share a couple minutes from his channel today it'll be a fine for you if you don't know about him already. We've got some xr tolay got some motivation? phenomenal so you guys are here is to learn how to have more passion in your life. And know what the hell do I do to get more hugs kisses sex and affection into my world.

You are a man starting to rise and our theme of this week is chicks dig scars. chicks dig scars. Cynthia found this awesome picture, this line of the scar across his fist or across his nose this morning. chicks dig scars. Kind of looks like Roger.Yeah, exactly. I

Unknown Speaker 5:40


Jeff 5:41

yes, exactly, exactly. No, it's it's your stoic stare, Roger.

Unknown Speaker 5:46


Jeff 5:49

exactly. There it is. I love it. Very cool. chicks dig scars. That's our theme this week. And I'd love to give you a challenge guys every day. This week. I want to give you a quick challenge to type One word or one short sentence into the chat. And our question of this morning is I want to ask you, what am I confident about right now in this moment? What are you confident about? Right in this moment right now? So type in the chat give us one word, or a phrase of you no thinking to yourself right now, even if I've got some scars in my face, or some scars in my past, or scars on my heart, what am I What am I confident in or about? Right in this moment, so type a word into the chat for us. That'd be fantastic and not as we do that, I'm going to move over to our post from the forum. Okay, so please, you're going to type What am I confident about in this moment into the chat? Here's our start from the forum, and then we'll jump into some comedy. This man says, this really struck home for me feel the pain because it's real. But I don't but don't dwell in it's playing the victim forever and letting the pain continue. Assume us will never move us towards the man we were meant to be. Pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever. So feel the pain because it's real, but don't dwell in it. playing the victim forever and letting the pain consume us will never move us towards the man. We were meant to be. I love that so much. And that that plays right into this show. One thing I love doing this show, I wish the wish the show was around in 2015 when I went through this shit, guys, I had an every two weeks men's group, but I had to drive you know, 45 minutes to an hour to get to. And this we can just dial in from anywhere in the world every day and get that daily dose of like inspiration, belief and philosophy and tools. I love it so much. So how does it How does it hit you the men that come here, Cynthia, that? You know and we all know that we're going through a lot of shit. You know, as Patrick says, We're going through tough stuff. And even though that's the case we come here to come and have camaraderie with the other men to chat with each other within the Private Channel. Hear live over zoom or in the Facebook forum? How does that feel to you to know that even though men are going through so much difficult stuff, maybe the most difficult times in their lives or in our lives, that they come here and share with each other and get this Daily Dose of Inspiration? How does that feel for you as a woman?

Cynthia 8:18

Well, it feels I feel inspired the, the gentleman who posted this on the forum and had the great phrase, you know, chicks dig scars is, you know, in on the meeting with us today, and I'm just I appreciate his post and I feel inspired by his words and the guidance and the energy he's putting out to others just it just makes me feel expansive and proud and ready and that there's momentum here to tap into and it's, you know, we all look to change. We Can I get new habits and then it's like, oh, okay, keep going keep new habits and go. And being a part of this group is a it's almost like a ev en if you have a down day the river still flowing, you still get to be part of it. And that's even evident in just the chat.

Jeff 9:18

What are they confident within this moment?

Cynthia 9:21

Yeah, and Roger said my ability to change. Dave was also there with changing. Ruben said my forgiveness for myself. Joseph said the light at the end of the tunnel, Randy said heading in a good direction. and Walter said being calm.

Jeff 9:41

Oh my gosh, so incredible. Yeah, no matter how turbulent the storm are, no matter how much we go up and down in the roller coaster of life. We can be proud of something right in this moment.

Cynthia 9:51

Yeah, and and Ken just added the pain hasn't killed me to this point. It's good.

Unknown Speaker 9:56


Jeff 9:57

Yeah, it's real. We acknowledge it. We bring our shift to the men if we need to, right and it's so can maybe later on in the show, I can ask you, what's your story about the pain that you're going through right now? And I think there's so much about to be said about the story that's underneath our experience or our emotions that are happening right now or our thoughts right now. There's always a story underneath that. Oh, that's so much. So let's press pause and jump over to since to some comedy and then we're going to dive into the shit like we always do in the show and bounce up with a perspective and a plan of how do we have perspective on our scars? But let's start with let's see, oh, yeah, here we go spoof on Star Wars called troopers mind trick right now.

Unknown Speaker 10:46

They're like, throw up the deflector shields

Unknown Speaker 10:48

throw up the deflector shields. And I'm like,

Unknown Speaker 10:51

What? Yeah, it's really loud when they're attacking. Yeah, especially if you've been reading that thing for the last hour. Larry, what is it?

Jeff 11:01

Well, let me

Unknown Speaker 11:03

mine tricks. What is it? Oh, Who gave you this? All right. Remember that galactic magic ever released last week? The old guy who kept snacks in his beard? Yeah, yeah, look, turns out teaches this seminar. You went to a galactic magic seminar with a snack beard. Yeah Did rich look I'm telling you. There's something to this lifts my canteen right now. With your

Unknown Speaker 11:30

mind with your mind. I don't learn levitation

Unknown Speaker 11:33

until the silver guardian. Silver Got it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. How

Unknown Speaker 11:37

much does that cost? Is

Unknown Speaker 11:38

this just an ancient religious short has been passed down through the millennia? Sure. This this is not much 800 credits, but it includes my very own laser sword. Okay, that's broken. Look, this guy's incredible. Yes, total control over the weak mind. Yeah, I believe that I'm telling you which galactic magic told Works galactic magic totally works.

Video Clip 12:05

You will pat yourself on the head. I will pat myself on the head. Oh, wow, this is huge. Oh,

you will let me sleep with your fiance.

Unknown Speaker 12:22

Dude, what the

Video Clip 12:25

you will let me sleep with your feet was messing with

Unknown Speaker 12:27


Unknown Speaker 12:30

I'm sorry,

Video Clip 12:32

man that was wrong. on my part. I was a wonderful woman and you guys are great together. If I could just spend one night

or 45 minutes Oh, yes.

Jeff 12:47

Sometimes those guys won't give up on it. Sometimes we won't give up on it. Yeah. So when have you fallen for mind tricks. Roger says you're too good for me that's not true. He said Roger says my good looking for you have a nice personality. Oh, thank you so much Roger obviously feel warm and fuzzy you as well, my friend. Oh my goodness. Yeah. So the mind tricks the mind tricks you plan yourself? How do I segue from my tricks to the plan itself? Well, let's let's jump over to what do we know to be true? That's a great segue into our kingley plan. On number three on our morning kings. We plan that if you're not doing anything in the morning, you know, shame on you, because these first three things take three minutes to do. What's your daily appreciation? Read one page of something inspirational and ask yourself, what do I know to be true? I decided to put my money where my mouth is and bring down my morning. One sentence appreciation journal. This quote from Oscar Wilde says life is too much Important to be taken seriously. And I've been doing this since we started the C note show for three solid months. And you know, I've got got a bunch of these are these are stickies from Cynthia, got a bunch in here for the last three months in mind today is there we go, No, proven I look at this. This is my appreciation routine, great health and desired simplicity. So routine this morning is when I get up what I do in the morning, and then I went for a nice walk with my kiddo and the dog to get us moving today. He's 16. So getting up in the morning right now with no school, everything going on is a win, definitely. And then I wrote desired simplicity. And that helped us when we were curating the show this morning to talk about we come here for belief we come here for inspiration and perspective. And when we talked about you know, I love to ask the guys a simple question where they can put one or two words or a little phrase into the chat. That's the desired simplicity that I was hoping for today that I was appreciative of today. And we brought that into the show. So I estimate this when when a man comes to you and he wants all the answers in the world right now, he wants to magically fix it. Right? It doesn't seem like he's wanting simplicity in that moment. He's wanting Well, maybe he desires a Epiffany and magic pill around simplicity. But what do you see are keys for a man that's going through the ship man that's, you know, able to be confident within himself in one moment, but then the next falls into anxiety? What can he desire regarding simplicity in his life, what would be something simple that you would say to him or recommend to him as a professional coach?

Cynthia 15:48

Yeah, well, when I've experienced when a man is trying to fix everything at once, or you know has that and I can I love to do this. To you have like, a couple days where you feel like you've moved forward and then it's some trigger comes up, it's not gonna work and then you know I try something new and then that's not gonna work. And he's kind of trying to grass for the things that will fix everything every uncertainty every disc clarity It feels like kind of been in an ocean with him and he's striving to find, you know, anchors and buoys in a very, like anxious, anxious way. So in that moment of complete humaneness when we are like as if we were trying to, you know, survive out in the forest and I have to find the way to solve this threat through the forest is to find that one thing that you can start on on that one small step, that's the daily practice. That is the, here's my one spearhead, I know I've got a whole bunch back here in my pack that I still need to address. But I'm going to commit to this one each day, because even there's gonna be a rough day. And it's still there as as a woman. There's so much certainty and groundedness and safety in that and and I experienced that in you, I love you have your daily gratitude. I feel the spearhead of that. And that is such a anchor for me in in relationship with.

Jeff 17:45

That's fantastic guy. So I love how we curate the show. That's one example in the morning routine that we have. And I'm I'm sure you love feeling my spearhead. Yes. You feel the spearhead. Yes, and Cynthia doesn't know this video that I'm not sure right now. But that's a beautiful segue into focus on a small bit of action. So pay attention to this 60 seconds. Guys, this is really profound. You tell us talking about Mark Manson's concept of take a step in the right direction, take some small action.

Cynthia 18:17

There we go. I'm not

Video Clip 18:17

I'm not a doctor. I'm just a dude. And I talk about what works for me. Second of all, even though this video is about how to get out of a rut efficiently or quickly, that's all relative, you're usually not going to get out of a rut overnight. Okay, so strategy number one is to utilize the do something principle this principle is the catalyst for action. If you don't have the motivation to do something, you need something that will spark some sort of action, something to get the momentum going something to get the ball rolling and to do something principal is a means to take action when you don't have the motivation to do anything. So most people think that in order to take action on anything, you need to be motivated to do that and motivation comes When you're inspired by something so for instance, say you're browsing Reddit or something and you come across a matt D Avella video, and by the end, he says something that strikes a chord with you and you're inspired to take action, that inspiration served as the adequate motivation to take action on your goals. But to do something principal dictates that inspiration, motivation, action is not a linear sequence. It's an endless loop. And you can start wherever you want to start. So it's far more efficient to start with action and let that action become the inspiration and the motivation necessary to take further action. So you may be thinking, thanks, genius. If I'm unmotivated to do something, then I should just do something that's really helpful but you actually take action without motivation all the time. Do you need some sort of huge inspirational epiphany to take a shower? No, it's just something you do. These monotonous actions are the very actions you should be using as momentum to take further action. If you're just sitting there waiting for inspiration to strike you Go brush your teeth brushing your teeth is a little constructive action that will give you momentum into taking further action.

Jeff 20:16

In the shot I put the link to his channel, it's called better ideas is phenomenal reviews. It's he basically if you haven't noticed how many thumbs down versus thumbs up channels have he has around 1% or less than 1%. Because of the cinematography, he's got a little humor mixed in, he edits all of his own stuff, he shoots and edits all of his own stuff. And he's got great ideas that he curates. So that's a benefit of being the show right guys, as you see us curate and find all these amazing things for you. So I'm proud to to share that channel with you. I put that in the link right there. That's about an eight minute video, I believe. And so it's worth watching the rest of it. He has two other ideas on how to fire up motivation in your life. But uh, yeah, so as an example, if a man is not doing it particular morning routine, right? I think that we easily can fall into a rut out of where we want to be. Yeah. And so let me move over. I'm gonna jump over to this quote I have from I believe it's Epictetus. today. Yeah, here we go. Let me share the screen right here. This was one that I read, I believe over the weekends. Hey, Roger, can you see this? If you give me a thumbs up, you see that screen that I'm sharing? Yeah. Awesome. Fantastic. So Epictetus says, If you wish to improve the content to appear clueless or stupid and extraneous matters, don't wish to seem knowledgeable. And if some regard you as important, just trust yourself, and so Epictetus was born as a slave is born in 5085, zero ad, we taught philosophy for this entire life in Rome and then in Greece, and I talks about don't don't worry about whether if you It looks like you know, everything don't appear, don't try to appear like you're knowledgeable. About everything and as far as routine goes, so if if our routine in the morning is if we wake up anxious about how we are perceived by others, if we're worried about how we're being judged by well our soon to be ex or separated spouse, if that's our routine if our routine is to fall into anxiousness, and we need to grab something else, we grab something else from our kingly plan. So let me ask Ken's if you're able to unmute yourself. So how are you perceiving what's the story around your pain? He said, The pain hasn't killed you at this point. So if you can come in, how are you perceiving that how are you perceiving the pain that you're going through right now? able, yeah, go for it, please. Hey, guys. Yeah.

Cynthia 22:40

Good. See you. I first stopped by when I posted that I didn't really know what's gonna be the hot topic of the week. But

Unknown Speaker 22:47


Cynthia 22:49

no, I guess me personally like probably the last. Call it two to three months. I've really just kind of

not really

forcing myself to but I've looked at the entire situation through so many different lenses, you know, maybe from you know, my needs standpoint, to her needs standpoint to you know what's best for my kids to you know, is there anything there for me anymore? I've really, truly kind of asked myself a lot of those hard questions. And from the pain standpoint, I really recognize that I, for a long time have just put my own feelings, needs, emotions, desires, just everything aside forever. And, you know, I don't know where that came from or where that started. But you know, and you know, especially the pain, I've always just been, you know, almost trained to put it in a drawer and lock it because it doesn't matter. And I've never truly let myself feel it or ask myself what I'm feeling and the more I kind of, you know, view that the more I understand how much I've shorted myself For a long time because I've never been able to deal with the pain or deal with painful situations in the past, even, you know, from the separation, the soon to be divorced to close friends passing away, which a couple of weeks ago for you guys. I think I reached out to a couple people over Facebook and I think a few of you saw that I had a good friend of mine who actually was my regional manager two Monday's ago passed away because of open heart surgery. He just never woke up so that he's two years younger than me and it really just struck like it was unreal. And I was numb all day Tuesday literally did not know what to feel what to think. And then with everything Wednesday, I think I probably cried 12 times and just all the emotions just came to the surface and I was I was alone but I was a being alone in that moment. And I'm like, holy cow. This Is what feeling the pain feels like. And I kind of recognized the pain that I've kind of been through with the relationship lately too. And that kind of really is where that post came from was, you know, pain is, you know, meant to move us forward. It's meant to not dwell on it, because, you know, the sun's gonna come up tomorrow. If we want, you know, to have a better life, you know, it's there for the taking, and it's not going to just happen.

Jeff 25:29

Yeah, yeah. Well, Oh, my gosh, I mean, first of all, of course, that's terrible that you had to go through that or that he of course, went through that his family and things do you know, the family pretty well.

Cynthia 25:37

Did not know his family very well. But it was it was a unique relationship. He and I cross paths first when I was coaching in Iowa, and he was a salesman for a different company. And so we knew each other before our paths crossed again and worked for the same company. So it was kind of crazy how we kind of got back on the same path and he became a good friend of mine. I mean, we talked you know, Obviously several times a week because he was a manager of mine but but yeah, it it was not how quickly it happened and you know as soon as I got that it was just very, very overwhelming. Yeah, absolutely I can understand that certainly in you so you've talked about losing people from your past I won't ask you about that in a minute from your small town. But so can see no I'm not trying to lead into something that's Pollyanna here but has it given you in any kind of new perspective on life are you so grieving you know, where are you now with it? Um, I am still grieving I you know, I think about him certain times because he used to go on the road with me We could spend days you know, nights and hotels and things like that we'd have good times but obviously we got work done as well. But it's, it's made me think about my past and my relationships with my family, with my friends in the past and also kind of correlating my relationships now with my kids. And my future relationships and how I want that to look. And you know, it just kind of made me again, look through a different lens and understand it's going to take some work to, if I want that to be better for the future than what I had in the past, and I can say, Oh, I want that I want it to be better. But unless I take action, it's not gonna happen.

Jeff 27:21

So yeah, so if you don't mind me asking, what's the first what's the first election step there.

Cynthia 27:26

Um, you know, I'm not sure what the action has been. But um, I feel like my relationship with my kids and has already improved even though we are still living separated in the same house. We've since signed a purchase agreement to sell our house. I have a new place lined up, like things are kind of falling into place for future here within the next month. And it's crazy and honestly, I don't know what's different. But I feel closer to my kids than I ever have. And I think it's kind of a conscious effort. To see them to be present with them to be in the moment with them and to create some some, you know, some memorable experiences here this summer, dude. I mean, even though we're in a terrible summer, not many places are open, but still going on like going on walks, going on bike rides, you know, going to the river, things like that. It's, it's made that fun for them. And it's just kind of made some small moments in the treacherous storm right now because they're in the storm too, unfortunately. And I'm just trying to do what's best for them and what's best for everyone moving forward.

Jeff 28:33

Yeah, I can't thank you so much man, I can relate to when there's a shift in our own self. And it's it unlocks parts of you that you've been stuffing down for your whole life or your whole relationship like you were saying and and it's so there's actions outside of us and then there's these actions within us this uncovering within us. Do you feel more present with your kids? You know, I'm curious what what are some emotions that have been unlocked or what are some things within you You're touching into the, you didn't in the past,

Unknown Speaker 29:03

um, I think,

Cynthia 29:06

you know, hearing what they have to say, I think part of me almost because they're 10 and seven almost, you know, dismissed at times the fact that they do have a thought process, they do have intellectual moments and they do want to learn and they do reach out for, for things to learn from me. And I think at times, I'd maybe got a little bit dismissive on that. You know, and from a work aspect too, I've I've tried to make more moments at home a little bit more meaningful, you know, baking with my daughter or, you know, setting aside time to go to the ballpark of Brady. You know, just little moments like that to say yes, versus let me finish this at first, you know, type of type of conversation. So, that's, that's been some things that have helped release some some feelings, too.

Jeff 29:59

Yeah, well, it's like Coming into the present appreciating how big a deal those kind of things are instead of being on autopilot, I was on autopilot in my past. You know what before my kiddo and I, before I separated and my kiddo and I are in the spot that we are now it's been five years of me having those realizations kinds of like wow okay, if I can break away he's gonna be 18 before I know I I have something like 70 weekends seven zero 70 weekends before he's 18 something like that. Just crazy to think

Unknown Speaker 30:31

like, oh

Jeff 30:34

you shooing away his children now as we know, I'm just joking

Cynthia 30:38

my dog. My dog is going crazy there. Sorry.

Jeff 30:41

I'm just joking. But yeah to think about it. It's it's in one breath I think we have forever with them. And then the next breath we realized we don't. And so how can we balance those things in our life we want to be successful for them provider protector, but whether it's with the woman in our life, or our kids or within our own selves, even honoring ourselves in that way, in our Friends are male friends.

Cynthia 31:03

Yeah, absolutely. Um, I thought about this too. And obviously this is a situation where my hands been forced a little bit and actually, my brother in law had made a good point. He said, well with this Separation, Divorce, you know, your kids only gonna be with you half the time. So it's almost essentially that, you know, four out of the next eight years of your son's school years, you're not going to be with them. And that literally about made me break down and cry there too. So every moment every second I'm trying to be more thankful, more appreciative, more present and trying to make those moments last.

Jeff 31:44

Yeah, yeah, it's it's so important. Thanks, can I appreciate first positive fantastic. Thanks for being on and good to see you. Yeah, the the like, okay, we're, it's halftime and I mean, you're always with them in spirit, which you of course know and I of course know that and that was a thing. With some questions on the forum, as well as what about co parenting and shared custody and these kind of things, you're always with them in spirit, whether they're in the room or not. And before if we took them for granted and they were in the room that wasn't growing our connection with them regardless, so yeah, the perspective of how important that is changes right guys like you're here because you went through like I did a collapse and our strategy in life, our values in life weren't getting us where we wanted them to be. That's what we're here to connect with each other and to learn these new tools and philosophies. love it so much. So yeah, how was that hits you when you hear news have your friends and other families that you knew from small town, New Hampshire, and all of a sudden that person isn't here anymore? That person had an accident or that person passed away?

Cynthia 32:49

Yeah, um, I've thought a lot about this. I don't know if this is a phenomenon of small towns. I grew up in a very small New Hampshire town. And it just seems like even when I was in high school and then like decades afterwards, there's just so many families have lost someone so many of my classmates or, you know, people who are a couple years ahead of me are behind me. And you know, my graduating high school class was 43 people. So, you know, you definitely know, the people that you're in school with. It makes me think back to that, that inks of high school and you know, things are not going well and this relationships not working out and it kind of ends up centering me in and I love, Ken's guidance in this of the things that are truly important and that presence of being with someone and you know, this is like high school mindset, but I think about our high school was so easy wearing the right clothes at the time and you did you have your Varney t shirt and your bass shoes. And I don't know if that was cool elsewhere, but it's like small town New Hampshire that was like, that was Bs and I didn't have any of those. So I was not part of the cool crowd. But those things can hold so much weight in our lives and even in our adult version of that what's holding weight that really doesn't need to hold weight. That if even in that relationship, if we're thinking that it's supposed to look like that Varney t shirt,

and it doesn't

work. How could we change what it looks like? How could we change the shirt? How could we be more present and I love what Ken said about you know baking with his daughter. Can't pets. I just loved your energy of being a dad. to her and your practice of emotional range and being okay with the emotions that you have. That's just a gift to her this, I mean your son as well, but I'll speak as a girl like that's just such a gift to a daughter to to be able to hold that space and know that range and, you know, help her dive in and then jump off the bottom of the pool like, oh, thank you so much for being that for her.

Jeff 35:33

Yeah, yeah. The modeling is so important. It's like more than we ever really understood. us. So good. Ken, thank you so much, man. Phenomenal. So Randy, I'm not sure if you were meant to unmute yourself. Did you want to come on in or is that an accident? Like, no, no. Whoops, accidental. Like, Cynthia was so inspirational that I want to unmute myself. So I let me see I want to jump over. One thing I want to point out guys is I found a very short, one minute clip from john weinland. about why are we doing this work with each other? Like, why are we here? Why are we exchanging with one another and something that really fuels me in the world is helping other men being a model for the community, if you will, being a model for our own selves and our family, but also just reaching a hand out to other guys and that's why you're here. So I wanted to honor that for a moment with a video from john wildlands. I shouldn't have it pulled up let me pull it up for a second. And then also a chapter from no more Mr. Nice Guy, it's chapter nine. So let me share that first. Since chapter nine of no more Mr. Nice Guy get the life that you want. And this is the breaking free activity number 43 breaking free number 43. Do you believe your needs are important? Do you believe other people want to help you meet your needs? And he says Dr. Robert Glover on a sheet of paper, make a list of helpers you have in your life right now. These can be friends, family members, they can be professionals. After making the list answer the following questions. What kind of helps Do you still need? How can you use these helpers more effectively? It's probably supposed to be helpers. What kind of Helpers? Do you still need? How can you use these helpers more effectively? And how do you prevent these people from helping you? So how do you prevent them from helping you start looking for opportunities to ask these people for help build networks, before asking for help repeat the affirmation. This person wants to help me get my needs met. So who else do you need in your life? How can you utilize the people that want to help you? And where are you getting in the way how are you preventing these people from helping you? And that last question was a bit profound to me is how am I how am I preventing other people from helping Me. And so you gentlemen, I'm not sure if each of you has reached out to the others. If you can see it, you know, today I'm feeling kind of really warm about that in my heart, that we're here for each other live. And so if there's a man on within the private chat right now that you haven't reached out to, you know, shoot him a private message or a message him over over Facebook and ask him how he's doing. For instance, I'm not sure if Walters can come on today, but we haven't talked for a while Walters and I remember the last time that you came on, you were asking you know your wife, if you don't mind me saying your wife to come back to the bedroom, and she wasn't ready to do that. And you were wondering how to work through that situation. And I haven't heard from you in a bit I've noticed you've been on so if you had the opportunity to come on today, or if you want to, you know have a spot on the show tomorrow to bring that up and either ask us a question or, or just put some things out for the men that'd be phenomenal. So just always know that you guys can can speak up there's another man that we're reaching out to you to come on the show today, as are Tom the show this week as well if he wants to do that. So we're here for you if you'd like to do that. Let me grab this clip from john weinland.

Here is

here's the link, here's the screen. I'm gonna have to grab this from YouTube real fast because I don't have there's three

Unknown Speaker 39:23

words a man will say,

Jeff 39:25

Oh, yeah, there's three words and it'll say. So grab this from YouTube here. It's a one minute clip, here we go, nutrient

Unknown Speaker 39:35

that many men are missing. And that nutrient is a certain kind of masculine love.

Unknown Speaker 39:44

I've been blessed the last 20 years that I've been surrounded by it. You know, I've just kind of surrendered to it because I had to. That's one thing my daughter gave me as I had to surrender into a group of men that I think could hold me

Unknown Speaker 39:59

but there's There's definitely a nutrient to man to a man's love, who doesn't need anything from you, who doesn't want anything from you, who just sees you. And part of what I hope you get this weekend is that experience of like, Hey, man, I'm just with you, because you're a good guy, and I love you. Right? And I don't need anything from you.

Unknown Speaker 40:20

So, be open to that possibility. It's what I would give you like, be open to the possibility that the guys are going to offer you love. Just, you know,

Unknown Speaker 40:31

just like God love offer. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 40:34

And be open to it. And I hope the rest of you guys will be in that too.

Jeff 40:42

So one way that john weinland talks about being present with our masculine tethered to the present moments in our masculine power is to offer love to others. And that's what we are doing here. It's like, it's not an attachment, anything. That's what we love doing the show for free, and we're here So everyone can connect. And like I've said, I hope that in a generation from now, Every man has a tribe like this. And every woman wants their man to be in a tribe of other men to learn how to use these skills in life, not a model those into the world. So that's kind of my, I don't know if I'm feeling a little bit gushy on this Monday morning, but I just wanted to honor you guys in that way from a chapter of no more Mr. Nice Guy in that, that clip from john weinland. So you're smiling big when I when I say that, what does that? What does that mean to you? If you don't mind me asking a little more personally, right. So it seems like your father was really lost within his own self or lost and out of touch with the rest of his body. He was a he was an attorney and a teacher. And he's very much in his head it sounded like and I don't know what kind of male connections that he had, but he certainly didn't have a tribe like this from when we've talked. And what do you think that that offers a man so you see men that are here now for the fast okay. They We're going on 13 weeks

Unknown Speaker 42:02

for 14

Jeff 42:04

days 14 weeks and how do you see them grow within this tribe? And if you don't mind if you would if you'd sit one of these men sort of next to energetically next to your father if he didn't have a tribe like this How would you compare those two energies How would you see that wow

Cynthia 42:25

that just made me like have a little bit of like grief well up to say think about my dad is in was very

Unknown Speaker 42:35


Cynthia 42:38

Man very like he's able to read energy like nothing else. You got to be careful what you share with him because he'll be like, get all the all the details out of you. And because he's just so kind of has this superpower of feeling other people and they think He has felt very alone in his life because he wasn't like always rah, I'm the macho and I'm gonna watch the football game. And so it felt to him like there wasn't really an environment to connect with other men and I definitely saw him felt a lot of his anxiety with, you know, wanting to be good at his job wanting to be protector provider and there was nowhere for that stress to go. And he had other outlets like he loved to be. He loved to perform and make people laugh, but there wasn't the opportunity to anchor to cash. What does it mean to be a man? What are the mindsets of a man? How can I really be grounded in my masculine energy and where do I take the the pain, the anger, the embarrass, meant that I you have just as a human being and habit in a safe, safe space. And so I see have seen him be feel quite alone in life. And that's so different from here were incredible men who have amazing energy and superpowers and awarenesses can really lean on each other and learn from each other and really ground into something that's very sacred and special about them in tribe. And that's makes me proud and feel connected and excited for the relationships that come in the next generation.

Jeff 44:46

Well, I feel it's so I love that theme of this week is chicks dig scars. And that's reminding me of how we're we're healing our open wounds, like our gaping, gushing, bleeding, open wounds. We're healing them instantly. ours. And when either with the woman in our life or with the kids or with our friends or with the next woman in our life, we have to be aware of if it's an open gaping wound right now, if it's a gushing wound versus if it's a scar, and we talk very, you know, often about, we want to dive into vulnerability and then bounce off of the perspective in a plan. And, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, but if we come to our woman with an open, gaping wound, and we don't have a plan at all, and we're just wanting her to mommy, us, or it's this catastrophe in our life, that we feel like our life is over, and we've been in that for a long time, say we just, you know, we just do in that open, gaping wound, what does that come across to a woman as versus we're trying to heal it into a scar? So chicks dig scars, but if we just stay in that open, gaping wounds, what does that feel like to a woman?

Cynthia 45:58

Well, it reminds me of The Tony Robbins quote that Kent posted where Tony Robbins was saying, you know, pain is, is it's meant to produce gift action. It's not meant to bring you suffering. And I think when a man is in like, just the suffering place that this is his mindset is this is why is this happening to me like I can't get through this. This is not fair. This is not right. To be on the other side of that, as a woman, it feels

unsettling and uncertain. And

I even remember being like the daughter to my father where he would have kind of anxious wounds that they didn't, there was no way to move them forward and I would get even as a little girl very anxious like, if anything, and I family was going to change I would get very like shut down. Even if my dad wanted to change his job. I had this indescribable like he shouldn't do that. Like somehow I could control the situation

because of that gaping wound and there was nowhere for him to to heal that. So I was trying to create frame and container where I could

Jeff 47:23

so just spread to even you as his daughters that insecurity that he had or that pain that he had.

Cynthia 47:29

Yeah, absolutely.

Jeff 47:35

Well, gentlemen, so yeah, if you don't want our our chat here, I'd appreciate it. There's a woman talking about how they had small graduating class as well or larger classes. Yeah, I mean, mine was quick. I had like 700 people in my graduating class, which there's good and bad of either side of it. Right. And I mean, talk about, talk about whether you can get lost in the crowd. That's a good thing or It's a small crowd, they know humans intimately, but they also know kind of where you've messed up in the past, so that that isn't necessarily a good thing. And that makes me think of relationship where, how are we judging what has happened with us? So maybe there's 40? I mean, you say 40,

Cynthia 48:18

I think was like 43. And I appreciate Robin could resonate with 72 people.

Jeff 48:23

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's one thing to know, they know all your stuff. And that really makes me think of a, you know, a spousal relationship, too, is well, are we worried about them judging us? Or are we just moving into the power of our own selves as a man into our belief of our own selves? Right. And what's the story underneath that? That's, that's the kick that I'm on at this moment is, there's our feeling about what's happening. And then there's the story underneath that. And so the story of well, if I'm only going to be a dead half the time quote, unquote, I can look at like, which I've experienced for the past five years. I can Look at that as a catastrophe and be upset and blame, you know, her blame his mom blame my son's mom and go about life in that way. Or I can look at it like Kansas City where I can appreciate every moment, right or as a moving forward in separation. So what's what's a mindset that you've seen that men have that's been positive moving forward when they're in separation, right? So they, they come to us and it's catastrophe at first and they move into what mindset that helps them perceive their separation spot right now.

Cynthia 49:36

Yeah, I think you the mindset I see is

a gentleman who he kind of drops the rope in the relationship of because she's not wanting to be with me touch me be affectionate with me. That it kind of drops the push pull of that Have, oh, that means that I might not get to have this or I might not be worth this in my life and that that's painful and angry and he kind of sets that down and then recalibrates to, I'm really focusing as a man on what I want in relationship. And what I know, is a healthy, vibrant, passionate place for myself, and what I want for vision as a healthy, vibrant, passionate place for my relationship. And if I want this woman wants to want to be on that journey with me, but the vision of that becomes the most important thing and if there's healing that needs to be done for that great, wonderful, but this becomes the focal point. And where the passion want desire goes versus, you know, turning into a partner who might be saying no, that's not that's not going to happen that's not okay. That's the mindset. I see. That's so powerful.

Jeff 51:06

So yeah, that vision moving forward that positive vacuum that healthy vacuum that he's creating. So that makes that reminds me of Cynthia has finished her first chapter of the book eight pieces of a woman's relationship pi. And it's it's everything from no nipple breast massage to panty party. I think I nailed that. And so we gave that away starting Sunday starting yesterday. It was the very, very first day when we did our Sunday special yesterday for good guys, two great men under Steve horseman and Dan door as you guys know, so we have that for you again today. Nice, Roger. Yeah. We were. I think we were the only ones preview that what so we've got that we've got a chapter of Cynthia's book. We got a giveaway for that. We're gonna we'll get that at the end of the show here in a few moments in about five minutes. The freeze chapter I'm lost lose my train of thought now that Roger was so intimate with us, they're very nice. There is one clip. There's one other clip for. Yeah, video version. That'd be awesome. Magic. Definitely. So these are, these are some ideas. No nipple breast massage. We'll have we'll have Roger come in. And he'll do the no nipple breast massage on himself. I'll record that. So I want to I want you guys to give me some feedback. Okay, before we get to the end of the show, I want to share two minutes from the neck our total a clip when he was on Oprah about how it's coming to the present moment how not judging the thoughts that we're having, you know, recognizing the thoughts that come to our head, and realizing that there's a story underneath there realizing we get to decide what emotions and thoughts we attach to those other thoughts right? Something comes into my mind. I mean, I had a really weird dream last night that I remember where I wanted to some like, it was a I think it was an old concert setting a concert hall, up in Fort Collins, Colorado where I went 20 years ago. And I remember going into the, you know, like a nasty bathroom. And all of a sudden the dude next to me turns and starts pissing all over me. And then I woke up like immediately in that moment, and I woke up realizing what am I going to do like kick this guy in the in the junk or punch him in the face? Or was this basically some way for him to start a fight with me in and I mean, I guess I could do some dream journaling. I don't know what Joseph Campbell would say about that. But I woke up and I thought, purposefully thought, Wow, that was a strange dream, and didn't try to analyze it too heavily. I didn't want to keep going with the fighting energy. I didn't want to keep going with like, well, would I be ready to fight some guy in a random bathroom just didn't really feel helpful immediately when I woke up this morning. And so I just thought, Well, that was a strange thought. So I'm going to ask your true opinion guys on maybe you're like sick of this kind of discussion. I don't think so about how we can recognize our thoughts and label our thoughts the way that we want them we want or to move forward and just let them go. So I want you to give me some honest feedback on like, okay, Jeff, down here in this kind of stuff, or Yeah, we want to keep hearing these on a regular basis, we want to be reminded. So here we go

Unknown Speaker 54:33

into knowledge in order to live more consciously, in order not to live in opposition to what is in the present moment, which is to live more consciously. Accept this moment, as if you had chosen it and that brings in a new consciousness and do

Unknown Speaker 54:51

not deny the moment this is what I learned from you that literally eliminated all stress in my life, resisting the moment That is, is only going to create more anxiety and more is more upset

Unknown Speaker 55:06

a lot of the unhappiness that people experience they believe it's due to the conditions of what's happening right at this moment. But in most cases, it's not the conditions of the situation that you're in that causes to the unhappiness. It's the mind telling you something about this moment that causes the unhappiness.

Unknown Speaker 55:26

Yes. So there's like, I should

Unknown Speaker 55:27

have been there. I should have been earlier. I shouldn't have stopped to do this. I should have done that. It's the mind. Yes.

Unknown Speaker 55:33

I sometimes tell people just don't believe what I say. Just try it out in your own life. Next time. You get upset in a certain situation, let's say at the airport, many people get upset at airports, you line up at the counter counter, it takes a long time and you get more and more upset and then you observe that what is it that causes me to be irritated, angry, upset? What is it this situation? Or is it that my mind is telling me that this should not be happening? The ego is very good at misinterpreting reality and it believes it stories. The ego comes up with stories, often not pleasant stories about the isness of things. And it's a source of great suffering. So once you recognize that you can experiment in your own life, when you feel upset arising, watch your mind. Yes, be there. Be aware of what your mind is doing. This is the most vital thing in spiritual life is to be able to watch your mind to be the observer of your mind so that the mind is not controlling you.

Unknown Speaker 56:39

And that is how you eliminate stress.

Unknown Speaker 56:41

Yes. And suffering. Yes.

Jeff 56:45

So the key in the spiritual life is to be able to identify thoughts and understand how you can attach emotions to them or not you can choose what your emotions are in that moment. So Rubin Raise your hand. Yeah, go ahead. Come on and come in. Please, Reuben Please. Yeah, there we go.

Unknown Speaker 57:03

Perfect. Can you hear me?

Unknown Speaker 57:04

Yeah, go for it.

Unknown Speaker 57:07

So perfect example I'm not even have to go into detail about it. But I think this is important to continue because it's paramount to each one of us in our growth. Because it is, whatever happened in a moment, or even after that moment. I feel like more or less after the moment, you'll have thoughts in your head. You know, Did I do something wrong? Am I wrong? My shame. And what I've done with myself is look at the same exact situation, but look at it with gratitude. What about the situation is awesome that benefited me. And when I did that, guess what happens? All those things. Get thoughts just vanish. Later on, you'll be like, wait, what happened to all those thoughts that were kind of just, you know, edging me on to, you know, feeling ashamed but feeling angry, and they're gone, because you're looking at the situation. They're like, what was awesome about this? What did how did I benefit from it? And that's what I've been doing. And it definitely works and it's really good to talk about because you can feel that in your body. And you know what I'm working on being able to do it.

Jeff 58:36

Yeah, Rubin I love it. Man. You're such an inspiration to how you've brought in this work. And he's really embodied this like, brought it into his life in the forefront. And how was this for me like, so kick? astromon Thank you so much. Thank you. So yeah, right. Rogers talking about how Roger in the chat is talking about how he visualizes from total. Recall that Like baby alien thing that bought purse out of the guy's stomach, right like Rogers sharing on video with us he's reenacting it, but he likes to visualize that or like an alien popping out of the back of his neck. Like when I talk about the Hulk in the energy shoots up my neck. And that's the key for me, is like the aliens, you know, the back of his neck. So Roger talks about how he visualizes those things right when he started to be upset a little boy start trying to pop out. And those really helped him stay present for he is in control of the emotions that are attached or the thoughts that are attached to those events in his life. Like Ruben said,

Unknown Speaker 59:38

I came across the the wisdom somewhere in one of these readings even before I started talking to you guys, although I can contextualize it better now, that just remember you are not your thoughts. So when you can depersonalized from those it kind of helps you understand that? Okay, this isn't coming from a rational place, and I don't necessarily have to be that or react to that. Just you know, it's only A third person.

Jeff 1:00:02

Yeah. Well, that's so much. Oh my gosh,

Cynthia 1:00:04

that's so incredibly Roger your energy. I just love feeling the power of your groundedness and even in the alien emerging from the even the Hulk coming up.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:20

I feel good.

Jeff 1:00:26

Yeah, so hey,

Unknown Speaker 1:00:28

hey guys, can I add to what Roger said that was awesome. That quote I love that action video. It's, you know that ability to catch yourself in the moment. And then you know, just be able to heal yourself and then bring yourself out of it with peace. And that's the freedom its own liberation

Jeff 1:00:52

to me. Oh my gosh, love it peace freedom not you're not if you're not your thoughts. So big. Thank you guys. Phenomenal love you today. I unmuted you go for Roger Go for it.

Unknown Speaker 1:01:05

I was gonna say just one other thing that's related to that. Right now realize how closely it is related to that. I forget which book it is that they all blur together. But you know, there's the notion of act don't react. And to a certain extent, as you go about D, personalizing your own feelings, you can, you know, I mean, it helps to pause but even if you don't literally pause, just remember that when your wife or mother in law or whoever pisses you off, and you feel yourself, you know, ready to explode in anger or pout like a little boy or do both is kind of an expert at, you know, just think of yourself as being as cool and rational, be as cool as the other side of the pillow. You know what I mean? Like, be very deliberate in your actions and be like, even though I feel angry, I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not going to react, I'm not going to show that because that sets me back from my purpose and the goal that I'm trying to get to. So be very be very deliberate be be be a little bit like the, you know, the evil or Bill Belichick I mean, do you ever see him fucking flip out? No, he's just like me. You know? Yeah. That it becomes a habit though. And you know what? The guy's got more rings and fingers. Who knows?

Jeff 1:02:13

Yeah, man. Fantastic. love it so much. Yeah, we can we can decide how we want to be. And she may judge you for that, by the way, like, Oh, look at you all, Mr. statue and all better than everybody else. Like you might get some judgments right away. But keep up the way you want to be in the world. This is about how you value the world not relying on the judgments from her. And she needs to see this change and be in you be consistent. And she's gonna stop with the jabs if they don't work. Right. So I love that so much. That's gonna be a great topic for another time as pushing through as the man we want to be continuing to do that man even in the face of judgment or her criticism, let's say does that happen so often? The first times the first month says we do this change. So good. Does it be I love it. Guys, we're at the end of our show for today, if you helped me honor our men today, and we'll close out our show, thank you so much.

Cynthia 1:03:05

And I see that Walters put on your camera. So I don't know if you're available to come on tomorrow or if you wanted to share like Jeff asobi awesome. And thank you so much for everything in the chat. I mean, everything from Roger, I so appreciate your humor. And Patrick, you also shared a little while ago that you had lost, you know, you've lost two of your brothers and so that I appreciate so much the the range of emotion here and how you truly how you truly support each other as men and the strength of the scars that emerge. And thank you as always, for allowing me into this very sacred and powerful space.

Jeff 1:03:55

Awesome. Thank you guys after our credits. I have two minutes of kick ass motivation again today. It's How to be powerful and be inspired in life and how to move through fear. Got that after closing credits this has been the C note show brought to you by great men move mountains and great men move mountains calm to get our brand new free chapter of Cynthia's book eight pieces of a woman's relationship pie everything from no nipple breast massage to panty play, go to great men move mountains calm slash free chapter and punch in your information there you know no strings attached no BS great men move mountains calm slash free chapter or if you're curious about our one on one coaching and move you through this as fast as possible or to potentially you know, save your relationship and I promise you you will save your own self through coaching. Contact us at great men move mountains comm slash contact. Love you guys so much. We'll see you tomorrow at 11am sure that two minute video right now after the credits here we go to you

Unknown Speaker 1:04:58

Makes no difference with

Unknown Speaker 1:05:02

You're gonna be

Unknown Speaker 1:05:05


Jeff 1:05:12

Awesome. Two more minutes for the rest of your day. Here we go.

Unknown Speaker 1:05:17

If we were able to do like, even a fraction of the things we know we should we would all be badasses. You know, but there's so many things you talk to you. Yeah, I should be doing that. Yeah, I should be doing I know I should be I should be meditating. Yeah, I know, I should be doing this, I should be eating better. I should be doing this. We all know what we want to do to be the best version of herself. But for whatever reason, we don't do it. You know, and there's a lot of reasons why but we're not doing it. And so the ability to choose and actually decide what you're going to do to be the nod well to be the art and say, Well, if I believe I should meditate, then I'll meditate and just collapsing that I know I should with actually doing it. That is a superpower. That's what finds the greatest performers from the people who haven't quite made it yet. It's really their ability to say, oh, if I should train now I will Oh, if I should eat like this, I will Oh, if I should do this, okay, then I will. It's collapsing that knowing what knowing what you should do, and actually doing and making that one. And that's ultimately a choice. Do we have way more power than we recognize and what people will tell us that we have so stepping into that power and deciding for ourselves what we want to do with it.

Unknown Speaker 1:06:35

What time is it right now? Look at it. Face it. Stand up to what do you see? What did that number say to you? How much of this number Have you wasted? wasted on waiting? Waiting For what? What is it that you're waiting for? How much do you want it? Ask yourself this what's more valuable waiting For your time, your power, and your action. This is where your journey starts. This is where you grow, grow, adapt, improve, to become the person you admire. This is you this can be you. Stop failing to respond to react. This is how you shape your life. How you construct your future. Make this what is your success. All this work now are the steps before you break the ribbon at the finish line.

Jeff 1:07:35

Step into the world. take that next step of action. Love you guys. We'll see you tomorrow morning.

Unknown Speaker 1:07:51

Makes no difference.

Unknown Speaker 1:07:55

You gonna be you're gonna be

Unknown Speaker 1:07:58

fine. Either way.


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