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Feel like you can't win with your wife?

confident man marriage advice men's coaching relationship advice relationship coaching Aug 13, 2021

** STOP agreeing to be the bad guy **

 
She says, "I’m not a good husband."

She says, "It’s ALL my fault."

I invite her to do things with the kids and me. She just says, “No.”  I take the kids on adventures. She says, “I’m sticking it to her.” 

No matter what I do, I can’t win.  What am I doing wrong!!??

You know the story, right?

You’re the bad guy, the villain in this Shakespearean play of her life.

“To be [in her frame] or not to be [in her frame],” that is the question.

When your wife has put you in the pirate costume and made you the villain of the relationship, take off the pirate’s hat.  Don’t exist in her script of the relationship or as the character  she wants you to play.   

Take off the eye patch, put down the skull of the court jester, and don the glasses of Clark Kent, Superman incognito.

 Be in YOUR OWN FRAME.  Write your own story and invite her into it, without saying a word. 

 For her to feel sexual desire, respect, and attraction, you must be the main character of your own story. You must be the hero in your own Shakespearian play.  You must radiate kingly energy from the inside to magnetically attract women to you.

  • DON'T verbally explain what you are doing.
  • Instead, it's an INTERNAL knowing.
  • You are the protagonist of your kingly story. 

 

It’s time to recognize that you have success within your own life judged by your own self  Give yourself credit. Even beneath the clothes of everyday life, you are the hero of your own story.

Step out of the role of villain in your marriage and feel success as a man, even in the face of your unhappy wife's Kryptonite. 

 

The story of How The Dolphin Gets the Fish:

 

  1. When a brand-new dolphin arrives at an aquarium, no one expects it to know the trainers signal for jumping out of the water and over a bar to the joy of an admiring audience.  What the trainer does is put a bar at the bottom of the pool so that when the dolphin accidentally swims over this bar, the trainer gives the dolphin a fish.  Every time the dolphin even accidentally goes over the bar, the trainer rewards it until the dolphin starts to learn, “Oh, I go over this bar, I get a fish! Great!” 

  1. Then the trainer starts to raise the bar off the bottom of the pool one inch at a time. Higher and higher the bar rises.  Under the bar? No fish. Over the bar? Fish.  And because the dolphin has learned that he gets a fish every time he goes over the bar, both the dolphin and the trainer are happy.  The dolphin keeps jumping over the bar even as it is raised out of the water and into the air. The dolphin is now ready for show time and happily clears the bar to the delight of a clapping crowd.

 

At the beginning of training, the dolphin cannot fail because the bar starts on the floor of the pool.  It’s going to get the fish and then it's going to want to repeat that success over and over.   It doesn't matter that the bar gets set higher because it knows what to do and knows success from the very beginning. Every feeling of success is a dopamine hit – a confidence builder.

Give yourself credit NOW for the man you already are.  Make this simple.  

 

  • You're a man of integrity and good intentions.
  • You have intrinsic value as a human being no matter what. 
  • You stand up for what you believe, even if it's unpopular. 
  • You're done accepting mediocracy in life. 

 

Feel your own intrinsic success.  The goal is not perfection. Appreciate the truth of who you are right now.

“This above all: to thine own self be true, 
And it must follow, as the night the day, 
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”  --
 Shakespeare, "Hamlet"