Overwhelmed? Do nothing. Seriously.

confident man marriage advice men's coaching relationship advice relationship coaching Jun 30, 2021
man standing by water

You're feeling overwhelmed. It’s 3:00am in the morning.  You're up hunting for the answer.  You’re running as fast as you can to fix things with your wife before it’s too late; before you lose her; before your family is torn apart.  You're reading everything you can get your hands on - articles, books, blogs.  You're falling down the Youtube rabbit hole trying to make sure you don’t miss a single piece of this 10,000 piece puzzle shattered in front of you.


  • Stop.
  • Breathe.
  • You're going to do this instead:


You are going to do nothing.


Maybe she wants space or you're trying to figure out how to re attract her again. You want more sex to bloom within your relationship, and you're looking for help. Maybe you are reading 5 books at a time right now, trying to learn the next little secret that's gonna fix everything.


That's not how it works, guys.


The secret is, when you feel overwhelmed, you want to purposefully do nothing.


Your instinct is to fix things NOW, worried if you don't everything will fall apart. Unfortunately, your woman won’t feel this as leadership.  She will experience this as pressure, as chasing, as pathetic.  Her nervous system can’t help but respond in a negative way.


  • She won't want to be around you.
  • She'll make you the bad guy.
  • She'll feel validated in her need for space and separation.

Just to STOP and BREATHE. It's the most grounded thing you can do right now. This will automatically relax her.


  • She's going to feel more relaxed around you.
  • She'll respect you more.
  • Your groundedness will make her less guarded.


Relaxation in a woman allows for her to FEEL your magnetism and be attracted to you.  It allows her to truly see you as the man you are. In your intention to do nothing, you are allowing there to be a calming, soothing space between the two of you.  It’s not perfect and there’s still work to do in your marriage, but being grounded is much more attractive than the constant push to fix the fear of divorce.



When you find yourself spiraling with fearful thoughts and you're feeling overwhelmed, I want you to do what I coach my 6-man cohort small group coaching clients to do...



Quiet Your Mind Bonus Meditation Exercise:


There’s no perfect way to do this. Give it a try, it takes 2 minutes. 


1. Sit for a moment in stillness. Then envision a copy of yourself in the room.  This copy of you can be you at your current age or you older or younger, whatever comes to mind.


2. Then ask the copy of yourself, “How are you?” Or “What would you like me to know?” Or “What's our next step?”


3. Then shut up. Just listen. Don't teach or fix. Just listen to what comes up.


4. This is a way to knock on the door of your psyche.


5. If anything else comes up for you, just write it down on a piece of paper; write it in a journal or text yourself. Just getting it out of you and putting it onto something else is 80% of the work.


6. Doing this work is helping you become aware of what's underneath the surface. Do the meditation three times a week. Post in our Private Facebook forum on how it’s going for you.



Your wife doesn’t want you to fix things.  She doesn’t want the 10,000 piece puzzle completed in order to want to give you affection.  She wants to be able to relax around you and feel your grounded energy.  Your practice of this does more for her desire for you than words ever could.


If you're lost, if you feel like, "Wow, I really need to talk to another man about this," know that you’re not alone. I’ve been through this and every man of our now over 200 member Private Facebook forum knows what you are going through.  So reach out to them.  Post a question to the men of our forum or fill out my contact form for a no strings attached 1-1 no BS consult call. 


It's the most powerful relationship conversation you're going to have with another man.  I promise you.



It’s ok to question yourself or not know exactly what to do.  Hit me up for a one on one consult and I'll draw you the map of where you are and what to do next. Click this link now: