She Can’t Love You if She Doesn’t Respect You

confident man marriage advice relationship advice relationship coaching Sep 30, 2020


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 Bad shit is going to happen. 

You’ve been living under the mistaken belief that if you are a Nice Guy (and you do everything perfect) you will have the ideal life.


 This is a lie.


When you are flooded with the dreaded emotions of embarrassment, shame, and fear, your shadow emerges: 

  1. You collapse or explode

  2. You reject and you judge yourself


You get angry.
You numb out.
You blame her. 
You blame yourself. 
You try to fix things as quickly as possible so that life can go back to “normal.”

That’s not harnessing the power of the dark side.  That is being it’s victim. 

When you harness the power of the dark side, you lean into what is most uncomfortable and use it to build your bravery.


Life is not about trying to decrease your fear, 
It is about becoming more brave.


She is attracted to bravery, leadership, and emotional strength.
Embracing your dark side shows her this strength.


A man who is willing to embrace his dark side - lean into what is most uncomfortable in the name of bravery and leadership - turns the emotions of embarrassment, shame, and fear into an intrinsic strength that the woman in his life is attracted to, compelled by and deeply respects. 

She can’t love you if she doesn’t respect you.

Perfection does not build respect in her.

Your bravery does.

Here’s How to Own the Power of Your Dark Side

  1. Begin with respecting yourself

  2. Be willing to feel the emotion you don’t want to have

  3. Step toward what is most uncomfortable 


Shit is going to happen. 
Stop being a victim to it. 


Step into the face of despair and demonstrate what you value most.
Step into the darkness.  


Use the emotions you don’t want to have as your courageous battle.


Jeff Allen