This Common Mistake Turns Women Off Immediately!Jun 02, 2021
“That’s it! I want a divorce!” my wife said. It was after dinner. The argument had grown and reached thunderous proportions while we were eating. I was trying to talk logically with her but she called me manipulative and insensitive, disgust and anger blazing with heat in her eyes. She said that I don’t understand her and never could connect with her; that she’s felt alone in our marriage for years and that she’s done.
I didn’t respond which made her even more mad and I got up from the table, my guts pulverized, put my plate in the sink and went to bed.
Later that night as my wife lay asleep next to me as far away from me as she could get on our king sized bed, I tossed and turned my mind racing.
“How did we get to this point?”
• You know as a man when a relationship has gone sour. But you choose to ignore it and hope the problem will resolve itself. You compartmentalize the issues in your marriage until they build up and it’s too late.
• If you are being truthful with yourself, you look back and see what mistakes you made and where it went wrong.
You see, I had made all of the classic mistakes. Easy to see now, but still very hard to admit and forgive myself when I look back. At that time, I believed I was doing everything I thought was necessary to be a good guy, a great husband, and the kind of man who could make his wife happy.
All I had to do was act on what she said would make her happy and life would be good, right?
I had treated my marriage as a business contract and my wife had reneged on her end of being a happy, satisfied, loving partner.
- Unfortunately, she hadn't known this contract was in place.
- Unfortunately, I didn't have a "relationship manual."
- Unfortunately, acts of logic and trying to "fix her" don't work.
Women deeply want to feel understood - not by words but by FEELING and expression. So if she's really mad and she wants to feel you "get it," that means she wants you to jump into the pool of anger with her.
Just because she's upset doesn't mean you're saying or doing the wrong things. If she's been silent and completely shutdown up until this point, her becoming MORE EXPRESSIVE is a GOOD thing.
She's been carrying a backpack full of rocks for a long time, and she's felt disconnected and unsafe for a long time as well.
As a man, once you learn to hold space for her without judgment (for her or yourself), she WILL test your new ability to listen without trying to fix. She wants to FEEL if you're a different man - if you'll respond/react differently than the past.
In the past, you may have reacted badly with judgment, shame, or self-loathing. She wants to FEEL the new, grounded, solid version of you.
Her testing won't be pleasant. The key is -
1. Slow down time. You do not need to react immediately. Pause, think, feel into yourself.
2. Feel what it would be like to be viewing this situation from the outside-in.
3. Don't get pulled into the crab bucket with her just because she wants you at the moment. YOU must decide HOW you feel the emotions she's sharing and expressing.
Does your ego get bruised?
Do you take it personally and try to fix her or correct her? None of this will be effective, and she'll think you're "not getting it" if you get defensive.
But not getting defensive takes Master Level Ninja Skills. That’s why men hire me on their journey to not only save their marriages, but get their cool, confident, attractive mojo back so that they can hold the tension, calm their anger, and truly lead their wife (or the next woman they invite into their lives).
My coaching has 3 phases:
It takes a man about 90 days to learn HOW to STOP messing up and start growing his own life, step-by-step. I love seeing the self-confidence and power that ignites within the men in our coaching and within our forum.
At that 90-day mark, often his wife starts talking with him again and brings up EVEN MORE "drama" from the past. She'd been quiet for a while, he's been working on himself, and she's even more upset now.
This is a good thing! Just because she’s upset doesn’t mean you’re saying or doing the wrong things. In fact, this is a normal stage within this coaching journey. The principles you learn as you integrate your King, Warrior, Magician and Lover will attract the adoring feminine into your life and make your journey smoother.
Want 1-1 help right away? Turn this around asap. No-strings-attached consult call with me personally. Click this link now: