Transform Your Anger to Get More Sex

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on - it isn’t manly to be enraged. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance-unlike the angry and complaining.  The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”

                                 -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 11.18.5b

I’m here to tell you brother, fits of rage are not attractive.
They will not get you respect and they will not get you sex. 
Women want a man who has CONTROL of his intensity, not a man who loses his frame, becomes the Hulk, and pisses his discontent all over her. 

I know anger is a real thing.
 

My Hulk ran the show for a very long time. I tried to suppress him and stuff him deep inside. I tried to leave him behind, buried in the sand on a beach in Mexico.
 

But all he did was go down to the basement and life weights.

Anger is the result of unfulfilled covert contracts and the expectation that you are entitled to an ideal relationship. You are angry because you are allowing boundaries to be crossed.

You think:

She should be nice to me.

She should apologize.

She should give me sex. 

Anger is the result of feeling, “This is not going the way I expected.” It is a perceived injustice that you want to fix.  

You try talking your way through it.

You try yelling your way through it.

You drive way above the speed limit.

All the while, you are resisting death… the death of the dream.

She sees your anger. 

It’s written all over your face. 

Your anger affects her, no matter if you try to hide it or it is the constant dragon at your side.  It causes a shutter inside her body that she cannot control.  She will either pull away or attempt to emasculate you in order to feel like she has power and control.

How do I have confidence, use my anger as a master warrior, and lead in my own life and relationship?

1. Decide you want to handle stress and frustration in a different way rather than vomiting your anger on those around you.

2. Recognize after the fact. Recognize immediately you are not proud of the man you just were and ask yourself, “What would I have done differently had I been in control and aware?” 

3. Identify what physically happens to you when you are angry.  What signals does your body give you? Mine is energy shooting up the back of my head at the base of my skull.

4. Cut off the direction that your intensity is being directed.  Change your eye contact, remove the tunnel vision, stop the scrunching of your face.

5. Notice if you are holding your breath. Take a deep breath and take a break. If you can’t take a break in that moment, force yourself to smile a little bit. Bring in humor.

6. Know that in 10 years, this event will be long in the past. This is only a fleeting insult to your expectation.  Most things mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. 

7. When you are fully calm in body AND mind, re-engage.  Come back and lead from there.

She wants your intensity IN life and FOR life. But she doesn’t want your unbridled anger spilling all over her or the relationship. 

cheers,

Jeff Allen