Navigate trust and betrayal as a high value manJun 25, 2021
I don't trust my wife. What should I do??
This happens a lot. She’s out until 3:00 AM with her friends. She doesn’t text. She doesn’t call. If I message her to see if she’s ok, it takes her hours to respond. When I try to talk to her about it, she tells me she can do what she wants. She calls me controlling.
I don't trust my wife. I don't trust who she’s with and what she’s doing.
I wonder, “Should I not let her go out?”
I think, “I should put her on a shorter leash.”
It starts to go down this track for you as a man when you are acting out of fear. And maybe this fear does make you kind of controlling.
I want you to take a look at your situation, the relationship with some clear eyes, right? Let's take the fear glasses off your face.
John Gottman, world-renowned researcher, known for his 45 years of work on marital stability and divorce prediction, talks about The Sound Relationship House.
- There are two walls of this house. One is Commitment and the other is Trust.
- Dr. Gottman says trust is built on mutual consideration; when you take action, your partner considers you, and when they take action, you consider them.
And I want you to ask yourself, CAN YOU BE IN RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU DON’T TRUST THE OTHER PERSON? Often men say no. Well, so what does that mean? If you are in a relationship where you don't have trust?
What can you do? Well, what do YOU want? Let's flip the script. Flip the pillow over to the cooler side and ask yourself, “What do I want?
We don’t want you acting out of fear
Let’s say you, as a man, what connection, passion, and intimacy in your relationship. You want her fondness and admiration. You want her turning towards you instead of away. You want to make both of your dreams come true.
If you are trying to make all this happen from a place of fear, the woman in your life can feel micromanaged and controlled.
1. She can feel suffocated.
2. She can feel your fear and it repels her.
3. She feels you like hard metal that she wants to push away from.
Instead, fully source your King. See the big picture. Balance your desires with a plans of action that is practiced in stability, centeredness, and calmness. You must know what you value and want in relationship.
- In this place, your scepter is your wisdom.
- In this place, your woman can feel your warmth and gravitational pull.
- In this place, she can shift her behavior towards you and come even closer without fear of her own.
Your confidence and power comes from knowing what you WANT FIRST.
If you are still doubting that you can trust your wife, take a step back. Breathe, get some perspective from other grounded, centered men.
You must take your deep marriage concerns "to the men."
Fear and mistrust are the bifocals you wear that creates tension and negativity in everything you see.
Try looking at it this way
You have to trust her and have emotional control of yourself in order to invite her into a positive, meaningful, and adventurous life.
You want the skills and the mindsets to invite her to be feminine with you and connect.
You want to lead the energy of “high regard” in your relationship so that you can lead her up the staircase of intimacy.
The mindset is to DO these things to build trust, not wait until you HAVE trust and then take action. It’s about moving mountains one step at a time.
It’s ok to question yourself or not know exactly what to do. Come to our Private Facebook forum and ask a question or hit me up for a one on one console if you want to talk about this so I can draw you the map of where you are. Click this link now: