How to be a high value man - Inside the female mind

confident man marriage advice men's coaching relationship advice relationship coaching May 03, 2023
young girl sitting on a window sill with her knees up looking down, black and white photo

Picture this:
Your wife is an emotional mess again. She’s stirring the pot, upset by your son’s and daughter’s behavior.
It’s been a long week at work, and what you had hoped would be a peaceful and restful Family Friday evening has turned into a cauldron of loud voices, slamming doors, and fresh tears.
Your wife, you’ve learned, has the same emotional roller coaster moments as your 11 and 13 year old.  Her ability to stay calm and centered amidst their individual crises or collective arguments is non-existent.  She is, in fact, often the match that sets the kerosene on fire - your 13 year old son yelling and tossing swear words around like confetti before retreating to his room, and your daughter, the carbon copy of your wife, screaming and crying, trying to have the last word of every argument.
You’ve noticed that even though your wife invests herself fully in the emotional tantrums of the family, she’s not happy.  Often, she will pull you aside to say,
“Larry, I’m not a good mother.”
As the Nice Guy, your previous response to this watery and unhelpful comment was first trying to convince your wife that she was an “excellent mother.”  Then, irritated by her lack of receptivity, she would inevitably brush off your reassurance and throw rocks at your ego.

She’s not good at creating a frame around her emotional experience
• As a man who has done this work, you can now have a Frame for feminine emotional storms with compassion and foresight.
• As a man of high value, you are the river banks to your woman’s energy - her feminine energy that exists in the moment and the Truth of her current feelings.
• As a man holding Frame for his family, you acknowledge the pain or the scar of the moment, while also pursuing a positive vision of the future for you and those you love.
You allow the storm to die out.  Your son is in his room, headphones on, playing Fortnite.  Your daughter is sulking but quiet.
Your wife is sitting with a glass of wine on the patio and you join her. You clink her glass of pinot noir with your own.
"Hey are you ok?" you ask. Your wife shakes her head.
You continue,
"Its rough. It's really hard when both of our kids are angry at the same time. We're in this together. We'll figure it out."

No blame.
No shame.
No pointing fingers.
No trying to magically fix it in the moment.

 Watch this video to learn how to stay present and hold frame in the face of your wife's emotional storms:

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