How to treat your wife - she's NOT your everything

Picture this:

You are at your daughter’s soccer game, sitting on the metal bleachers, your wife’s warm leg pressed up against you. 

Not of her choice of course, but because attendance at the game has forced her to be physically closer to you than she has been in weeks.

Regardless, you welcome her bodily warmth on the unseasonably cold fall day.
 
You do have a plan.
 
After reading some relationship books, you have not lost hope that your wife would warm up to you, regain trust, and feel connected again.
 
On impulse you put your hand out and squeeze your wife's knee.
 
Pretending to shudder with cold, your wife furrows her brow and immediately squeezes her legs tight together to brush off your touch.  It's a gesture meant to go under the radar, but her meaning is painfully clear.
 
The pain of it cuts through your guts like a knife.
 
For years, you have been in a comfort zone in your marriage.  You measured the success of your partnership by your ability to know everything about her.
 
She wants to know everything about you too, right?

A reciprocal vomit container held out for each other in the spirit of lifelong partnership.
 
You are owed an apology
 
It’s painful to realize the story about relationship you were raised to believe is not true.

It’s a cultural lie.

And your wife believed it too.
 
* You thought this was the way relationships were supposed to be.
* You had been told “we’re all equal” and that “everyone is supposed to share their feelings.”
* It seemed like she had wanted to “know everything about you.”

At least in the beginning.

It's normal that you are grieving with other men, the concept of what you thought a relationship was supposed to be.
 
You were taught that in a partnership for life, everything is fair game -
Even verbal diarrhea; the vomit going both ways.
 
Time to rewire your marriage: not overthinking; not oversharing
 
1. If you want to rewire your marriage, you need to treat your wife like she isn’t your therapist.
2. She'll feel like your mother if you dump your anxieties onto her.

If you keep that mindset, not everything is fair game. You may be comfortable holding her anxieties, but she's not comfortable holding yours. It's a double-standard.  

Welcome her emotion and her deeper feminine sharing with you about her day, but don't ask her to hold your anxieties.

It's your job to hold the masculine frame with compassion, depth, and skill.
 
Oversharing with your wife is an intimacy killer. Yes, things come up and you grow together as man and wife, but creating CONNECTION, INTIMACY, and WARMTH in your wife can only be rewired by your ability to keep YOUR frame in her presence and take your fears to other integrated and trustworthy men on this path.

Watch this video to find out why returning to your "dating mindset" with your wife keeps away the Ice Queen and refills the dried up well of passion and desire.

Want to read more? Click to read this next article: Be present with her