Wife says she can't stand my presence - she says, “Just go away!”

confident man marriage advice men's coaching relationship advice relationship coaching May 10, 2023
woman's eye looking through a cylinder

The calendar on the wall has your wife’s schedule displayed clearly against a mountain scene - an old oak tree growing sturdily by a creek bed.
According to the schedule, your wife was supposed to be out of the house this morning at 10:00 A.M.  You are taking the opportunity, having the house to yourself, to grab some new shirts and ties from the master bedroom. 
You sleep now in your office, but your clothes and personal items are still hung in the double closet of the master bedroom and packed away in the shared dresser drawers.
You move through the living room picking up odds and ends, your head working overtime on something you have to tackle next at work. Entirely in your own world, you walk absentmindedly into the bedroom.
The bedside clock says it's 10:07 but you find your wife is still in front of the bathroom mirror, straightening her hair.
Both of you startle at the reflection of the other.
“What are you doing!?” Your wife’s is obviously caught off guard and annoyed. 
“I have to get some things,” you mumble.
Damn it!
Your wife has done everything she could to avoid being the same room with you for the past 6 months and you've done a lot of work on yourself to not be bothered by her storms.
But this time, her knife edge of contempt hits your guts. You didn't know she was home and had dropped your armor. You hadn’t gone through your regular practice of grounding yourself before entering a room your wife was in.
“Can you just go!” your wife angrily unplugs her hair straightener and throws it into the sink to cool.
“Uh ok, like leave this room?”
“No. In general, like I said months ago.  Just go. Just Go Away!”
• If you had time to reset yourself, you would be able to see clearly at this moment and not be overrun with the intensity of the heat in your head.
• If you were grounded you would be able to laugh it off and hold your wife in high regard despite her javelin remarks.
• If you could breathe, you would treat this moment like all the moments with your wife lately, thinking, “Man, she must be in a lot of pain to be acting this way.”
But you haven’t had time to reset yourself and your wife’s attitude influences you more than you want it to.
Honestly, your wife’s cruel words always f*ucking hurt, but you’ve come a long way.
6 months ago, you would have retreated silently to your office to reel in the moment of pain and confusion.
Now, you know you can return to your own sense of grounding, presence, and awareness.
It's human to be caught off guard -
Like a sturdy oak tree growing for 100 years next to a creek bed, you will get flooded sometimes by your wife's painful words.
On this Kingly life path, you will have experiences that flood your root system and throw you off your game.
It's human to need to assess the state of your roots and learn better ways to manage your wife's words, moment to moment.
 Watch this video to learn how to integrate the anger, sadness, and fear that may arise when you're ungrounded and caught off guard:

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