Slipping back into Nice Guy tendencies? Time for a tune-up

confident man marriage advice men's coaching relationship advice relationship coaching May 08, 2023
black and white photo of the back of a man playing a guitar

Here's the scene:
Sitting in your car outside of your gym’s entrance, you feel the bass vibrate the steering wheel beneath your palms and fingers. You turn up the volume on your workout playlist feeling energy and life force return to your heart and limbs.
"This ain't a song for the broken-hearted.
No silent prayer for the faith-departed.
And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd.
You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud.
It's my life."
You take a deep breath with Bon Jovi, throw your gym bag over your shoulder, and open the car door into the chilly evening.
You haven’t been to the gym in a month. 
You haven’t been doing the mental work every morning with your Morning Kingly Plan either, and you can feel the impact.
Not exercising every day or eating as you should, you know your mind and body are not as clear and powerful as you've become accustomed to.
Your Nice Guy tendencies have been curling their greasy fingers around your words and responses to your wife ever since you messed up last month, lost your cool and resorted to some old behaviors that scared your wife. You've been hard on yourself ever since fearful that you have undo all the trust and connection you had worked so hard to build with her over the past year.
The Nice Guy wants to mitigate risk, not unlike a hunter who never enters the woods and keeps his rifle half cocked. But avoiding risk is pushing you backwards on your journey of who you want to be as a man.
"It's now or never.
Ain't gonna live for ever.
Just want to live while I'm alive."
Being scared to death and taking action anyway is what builds Kingly presence, confidence, admiration, and trust.
2 years ago, you were “awakened” out of your Nice Guy stupor by your wife saying she wanted a divorce, and you had to go through the painful truth, assessing the state of your marriage.  You survived the crash-and-burn of old habits, ineffective mindset, and limited view.
You grabbed the reins and used this pain as a doorway to new depth; a new inner game.  You are committed to this “spiritual” journey - striving to move towards love and freedom within everything you do, every encounter you have with others, and your energy towards the world every day.
Creating a connected and intimate relationship with your wife is not about slipping back into Nice Guy bullshit, and it's not about telling your wife what you think she wants to hear.
• It’s about speaking your truth from a calm, neutral, loving, and caring place.
• It’s about holding onto your N.U.T.S, being bold, being vulnerable, and taking calibrated risk.
• It’s about choosing to love your wife in the manner that you want to love her.
It’s about knowing that no matter what happens, even if there is loss, you bounce back bigger, braver, stronger…better.
"Better stand tall when they're call you out.
Don't bend, don't break, don't back down.
Heart is like an open highway.

I did it my way.

'Cause it's my life."

 Watch this video to learn how wash away old Nice Guy behavior and become a courageous Kingly man:

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