Are you angry with your wife? Understanding your anger - as a man

confident man marriage advice men's coaching relationship advice relationship coaching Apr 13, 2023
fist punching through glass

It’s dinner time and your 2-year-old has already been fed and put to bed. 
You sit at the kitchen table making your way through pot roast and potatoes and share with your wife the important details of your day.
This is the normal routine for the evening. 
You have created a life for your family that allows your wife to stay at home and raise your son, something she is able to do because you are an excellent provider and protector. 
And, as you sit down each evening to the dinner your wife has made, you make sure to invest the time and effort to share with her how you are crushing it at work and discuss any financial needs of the household that need attending to.
This evening, there are further details to discuss with your wife about your upcoming guy’s trip.  You are excited about some much needed time off the clock and away in the woods with the men.
Suddenly, your wife says, “You know, I NEVER get a break!"
Her words act like a bowling ball to the gut.
What is she talking about?! Your confused brain scrambles to find a reason for her sudden outburst.  She gets to stay home ALL day and do whatever she wants, you think, starting to feel heated.
"I don’t get to clock out. I don’t get a paycheck! I don’t get to take time away from being a mom. You get to do whatever you want!” 
The anger in your head flares, making your face hot, and fills your vision with smoke. What the hell is HER problem?!
- You do everything in your power to make your wife feel safe and secure.
- You’ve held up your end of the bargain so your wife didn’t have to balance work and motherhood.
- You work hard for her freedom to stay at home and now she’s resenting you for it?!
Anger is your red flare in the sky - introspection
When you have anger as a man, it's a red flare shot into the sky. This is pointing to a blind spot - an unconscious conflict. It’s a warning shot meant to get your attention and take time for introspection.
Maybe you walk in the woods.
Maybe you put your thoughts down in a journal.
Maybe you do a mind dump in the private facebook forum.
The purpose of this introspection is to flush out this unconscious blind spot.
What you don't want to do is shoot flames back on your wife out of righteous indignation or angry confusion.
1. You don’t want to bring the red hot poker of contempt to your marriage because your wife   doesn’t  have the same set of values that you do.
2. You don’t want to judge your wife’s words, behavior, or attitude from the mindset of your own Dark Warrior. 
ANGER - ego defense or lack of Kingly perspective?
Anger is an emotion that can motivate powerful action. However, what separates the Kings from the Pages, is what you, as a man on this path, use it for.
Use this anger and surprise as an indicator. It's time for introspection, on your own or with this brotherhood of men.
Ask yourself,
- Why am I angry about her honest emotional expression?
- Do I have an unspoken "covert contract" with my wife?
- Do I have the Kingly skills to use this situation as catalyst for more closeness with my wife?


Watch this 1-min video to find out how to keep your anger from feeding the creature of contempt in your marriage:

Want to read more? Click to read this next article:  Her anger is good - here's why